What the Top 1% Do To Live an Epic Life with GRIT Mindset Academy Creator, Meridith Alexander
Episode 142
Imagine, for a moment, being a single mother juggling the demands of running your own business when life takes an unexpected and heart-wrenching turn. You receive a call that no parent should ever have to endure – your daughter, Schuyler, while on an adventurous journey in Colombia during a fellowship in Peru, was struck by a massive boulder that fell from a staggering 30 feet above.
In this episode, you’ll learn from the creator of the GRIT Mindset Academy and Best-Selling author Meredith Alexandre on how to tap into the mindset of the top 1%.
After this Episode, You Will Be Able to ...
Become the master of your inner thinking
Uncover the secret to living life to the fullest
Ditch goals, embrace targets
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About the guest:
Meridith Alexander is a best-selling author, high-level coach, expert in mindset and a powerhouse entrepreneur who has done millions of dollars in contracts over three decades. She has shared the stage with some of the greatest names in personal and professional development.
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Danielle Cobo is an international female speaker for organizations, associations, and the public sector. She works with audiences to harness the grit and resilience to lead through change.
With over 15 years of corporate experience in the medical sales industry, she knows how to build high-performing teams that increase sales, productivity, and employee retention. Her expertise includes corporate resilience and burnout prevention.
Danielle is the author of “Unstoppable Grit: Breakthrough the 7 Roadblocks Standing Between You and Achieving Your Goals” and hosts the globally top-rated podcast "Unstoppable Grit Podcast with Danielle Cobo.”
As a former Fortune 500 Senior Sales Manager, she led her team through downsizing, restructuring, and acquisitions to become the #1 sales team in the nation. As a result, she was awarded Region Manager of the Year. Her resiliency motivated her to earn four consecutive national Sales Excellence Awards in a male-dominated industry.
While her husband, a Blackhawk pilot in the Army, deployed to Iraq for a year, Danielle learned to balance a demanding job while caring for their energetic 1.5-year-old twin boys, who possess more energy than a squirrel after a triple espresso.
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The Unstoppable Grit Podcast with Danielle Cobo explores the journeys of people who have overcome adversity and harnessed the grit and resilience to thrive in all areas of their lives, Guests share how they overcame difficult times - the strategies, mindset shifts, lessons they learned along the way, and actions that propelled them forward. From navigating career setbacks to overcoming personal obstacles, each episode is a testament to grit and resilience.
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Imagine for a moment being a single mother juggling the demands of running your own business when life takes an unexpected and heart-wrenching turn. You receive a call that no parent should ever have to endure. Your daughter, Skyler, while on an adventurous journey in Colombia during a fellowship in Peru, was struck by a massive boulder that fell from a staggering 30 feet above.
The impact left her with devastating injuries. Crushing her skull, lungs, shoulder blades, fracturing her spine, right thigh, and left ankle. Overnight, our guest's life transformed as she became the primary caregiver for her daughter, who is now bound to a wheelchair and unable to fend for herself. But here's the remarkable part.
Instead of succumbing to despair, our guest turned this harrowing experience into a powerful catalyst for change. Her unwavering grit and resilience helped her support her daughter and to create the Grit Mindset Academy. This Academy has helped countless individuals seeking to master a winning mindset and play at their highest level.
A Call That Turned the Sky Dark
Days like that, at least for me, often start out just like any normal day, right? It was a beautiful February day here in Florida, and it was part of my busy season for the company that I had at that point. And so I was just hammering the calls, and all of a sudden around 11 A.M., I started getting inexplicably exhausted. I started uncontrollably yawning. My eyes started getting puffy. Until finally, I had to go and take a nap, which is crazy in the middle of a busy season. To do that, I thought I was going to take a little 15-minute catnap. Three hours later, my eyes pop open.
It's 3 P.M. I did not hear my alarm and I shot downstairs thinking, oh my gosh, I've got to walk the dogs and then get back on the phone.
And the phone rang and I could tell in the first inhale from the young woman who was calling, who was friends with my Skyler, that something terrible had happened. And so in that moment, My life completely transformed and it would never be the same.
At first, almost felt like two people, right? There was one version that was experiencing this. And there was another version of myself watching me. Experience this and wonder, you know, all the horrible emotions that you can imagine. Everything, from anger and rage, of course, but also that self-doubt of feeling like, oh, my gosh, I mean, and this is a terrible thought.
But when you're a single mom, you think how much is this going to cost? Am I going to be able to give my daughter what she needs? One thing led to another, and just hours later, my other daughter had joined me, my son was going to stay stateside. We raced to Tampa airport to hop on a flight, and we were turned away.
More rage, of course, but we got back in the car and we drove to Miami, and my other daughter and I were on a plane to Columbia, where I did not speak the language. The only thing I knew about Columbia were the horrible things I'd seen in Hollywood movies.
Finding Inner Strength
But this amazing kind of global family began to come together for us, and it came together from connections that Schuyler had had all over the world, connections on Facebook, because the only thing I knew to do was to reach out and say, this terrible thing has happened to my daughter.
Does anyone have experience with this kind of thing? Can anyone help? And so I started meeting people and people started stepping in and it was the most amazing feeling of, okay, we're all in on this. And so that was really when things began to change for me when I was on that plane. What I realized was that by far all the worst feeling was not being able to help my daughter and the feeling of being powerless.
And so it was really where I had to go back to, ironically, a question that I'd had all my life, that was how to choose to live. And how do we do it in a way that's epic. And how do the people who face these overwhelming challenges? Some of them emerge as bigger, bolder versions of themselves.
Control The Inner Game
So I'd studied everything from energy and the law of attraction to Aikido to NLP, all of these things. And so as I sat in the darkness saying, you know, I either am going to let this boulder transform me into the second victim, or I'm going to find a way to take my power back. And so for me, it was saying, that I may not be able to control the outer game, but I sure as heck can play a mean inner game.
So game on. And that's when I started understanding. Not just how important our inner game is, but non-negotiable, and that in the middle of a crisis is not the time to say, Oh my gosh, I need to learn how to play a meaner inner game, right? That mental toughness is something that all of these horrible experiences, these anti-mentors in our life, they help nurture within us, I think. And then it's what we're going to focus on in those moments and what we're going to have those moments inspire us to choose to do.
Three Powerful Questions in Challenging Times
Your life has completely flipped upside down as a parent, you want to, you want your kids to thrive. You envision your kids growing up and accomplishing all these great things. But to see their life completely flip overnight and to not be able to, to feel helpless in that moment of not being able to change the outcome.
How that all worked was three questions that I always ask that I've learned to ask in any sort of obstacle, moment, whenever any kind of boulder hits. We all have different kinds of boulders, some of them just happen to be literal boulders.
What can I control?
I could not control the boulder, but I had spent decades working on how to control my inner game. So I could either emerge from this experience as the mother, living the rest of my life as the mother of a child who'd been killed by a boulder, at an early age, if that was what was destined to happen, or I could emerge as the mother of a child who in just 22 years had made an incredible impact on this planet. If I was going to keep that memory of her, the essence, everything that she had already contributed to my life that no one could take away from me unless I buried it. This was the legacy. This was who I realized I had to show up being. So what could I control? I could control my inner game.
What can my mind believe?
I had to get to the place where my priority Was helping my daughter. That meant I had to show up in my power, whatever that could look like. If there was an epic version of me, I had to find it and I had to get there quickly. So I had to find the thoughts that could get me there. And here was the most powerful question of them all.
What assumptions am I making?
In this case, I was tempted to assume that just because medical precedent indicated that her injuries were not survivable, that is the only variation of truth. So this is where I had to go back to asking different questions for my mind so my mind could believe this.
And the very first question, has there ever been? Anyone who faced something that everyone else said was impossible, who overcame that and ended up doing the impossible? Well, that was a laughable question, because as you know, I was flying through the air on a plane, right? Clearly, at some point, that was believed to be impossible.
So my mind could go. That's true. And so then I took it one step further. Have there ever been documented cases of medical miracles where people are not supposed to be able to survive where they do survive? And again, the answer is, well, Hollywood is filled with them. So what I did is to balance that commitment to help my daughter in any way that I could with the school of hard knocks training that had inadvertently pushed me.
To learn how to play a more powerful inner game. So I began asking these questions, and I was able to inch my way from total despair to a little bit of hope, and then from that hope to a little bit of belief, but even belief has cracks in it. So I had to keep going and ultimately, I was able to get to that place that just felt like this powerful knowing that we were going to be fine, whatever life, destiny, God, whatever would define that word fine for us going forward.
And the moment that I was able to relax into that, it was as if it felt as if life was conforming. To that vision and that is when this whole string of impossibilities became the miracles that were showing up in our lives now. That's a fine balance when sometimes these challenges that we face in life.
Epic Three To Unleash the Best Version of Ourselves
Let's talk about maybe a health diagnosis where you're being told this is a terminal type cancer and that fine balance between there are miracles, but then there's also the sometimes where it's the acceptance and knowing that that is a terminal cancer. And that can sometimes be a fine balance that can be difficult for some people as well.
One thing that I always want to make clear when I'm sharing this story is that there was a medical team that worked, that truly worked magic on Schuyler. My big takeaway was that when we tap into, what I call that epic version of ourselves, we also unleash a different kind of magic that allows us to even find power through the worst-case scenario, I was prepared for Schuyler not to make it.
Here's a breakdown of the Epic Three components:
Focus: Mastering your focus involves choosing what you concentrate on and the meaning you attribute to it. It's essential to focus on what you want to achieve rather than dwelling on what's lacking. Redirecting your focus empowers you to take control of your thoughts and helps you stay aligned with your goals.
Language: Language plays a crucial role in grit and personal development. It encompasses both your external communication with others and your internal self-talk. Instead of allowing language that perpetuates self-sabotage and negativity, it's important to reframe your language to be empowering. This means shifting from a mindset of self-doubt and self-criticism to one where you become your greatest champion and cheerleader.
Imagination: Imagination is the ability to envision possibilities that do not yet exist. Often, people's imagination is dominated by fear and self-doubt. However, for epic grit, it's essential to harness your imagination to create a vision of a better future. By allowing yourself to see possibilities beyond your current circumstances, you can fuel your motivation, make better choices, and persevere through challenging situations.
So when I say, you know, a year from now, let's say a year from now, I want to have my own business. A year from now, I don't want to be working with all these toxic people. I want to be making six figures. It may sound to me like I'm talking about what I want, but my energy, that inner frequency, is focused on the lack of the presence of what I want.
So if I'm focused on the lack of the presence of what I want, what is expanding? The lack of the presence of what I want. So that's why it's really, it's like a mental gym, that we have to learn how to have the discipline to not let our thoughts think us. We have to become the sovereign of our thinking.
To achieve that mastery and when we achieve that mastery, even in these moments when we get this horrible health diagnosis or a boulder that's been on the side of a mountain for a million years frickin’ falls on your daughter. You find a way to bring life, and aliveness into that moment.
Shift Focus from Lacking to Infinite Possibilities
You said something where somebody says, I want to be in a new job in a year. I want to be out of this toxic at-work environment. I want to start a new business within a year. And it sounds like you're saying that they're focusing on the lack of something.
What is a way that somebody can reframe that sentence to focus, visualize, and imagine what that future could look like?
Great question. So that is a checklist of what is missing. So the more you focus on the checklist, the more you dwell in it, obsess about it, the more stuck you're going to feel, so the less able to see the real opportunities and to assess yourself to show up with the energy that you need to make that change happen.
So, therefore, what you need to trigger within yourself is that energy. So rather than focusing on the details of this thing, I need to be in place so I can react in a way that feels good. Focus on the emotions themselves.
For example, here's the contrast. A year from now, a year from now, I am freaking gonna be waking up on fire.
A year from now, I intend to have a job that is challenging in the best sort of way and yet exhilarating. I am going to be surrounded by a team where I can contribute. I can learn. I can grow. I've got mentors. My bank account is going to be rocking at the same time, right? You can feel the energy. So, that goes back to that third element, the ability to envision/imagine.
We have what I call flabby thinking syndrome. We just let our thoughts go wherever they want and it's almost as if we believe this is inevitable. If you don't train it and if you don't validate and spend time focusing deliberately on the things you want it to focus on. You're focusing on who you want to be and how you want to feel versus specifically what the goal is. The goal is a part of what you want to achieve. But it's the feeling that you're going to have when you achieve that goal that becomes the motivation.
Rethinking Goals, Adopting Targets
Let me share with you my feelings about goals. Personally, I'm such a language person, that's number two there. We say so many things that set us up for moving backward and goals have become one of them. To me, we have one goal and one goal only, and that is to take our last breath whenever that happens, saying “I hope I get the chance to do this again.”
Everything else along the way is a target, an opportunity, objective, because that allows us to flow. The moment we say goal, we have so many associations, hidden stories around that word, that it's like we throw ourselves like the kids in the backseat.
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? And then we wake up the next morning and we go “I'm not there yet. Okay, already a failure today.” I can't live, I can't be happy until I achieve this goal.
What I love to communicate to my mind is that it is going to hit a mission accomplished of getting me feeling fully alive with things that please me. I do not want to communicate to my mind that I am going to only react. And come alive by things that make me pissed off or displease me because what is it going to give me more of? And so here's another thing. We'll play with language for a moment since you kind of hinted at that a little bit. I like to play with language a little bit. I'm a big believer in neurolinguistics.
The most powerful word in that sentence is one we pay zero attention to, and it is that little tiny word, we never use the present tense unless we believe we're telling the truth.
The present tense is reserved for fact, therefore it becomes programming code. The foundation of the rest of the castle.
The next obvious question is, wait a minute! But it is true. And that goes back to the three questions that we asked before. What can I control? Okay, what can my mind believe? Well, my mind certainly believes that this is true.
What am I assuming that is not necessarily true? I'm assuming that this is the only variation of truth. Is this not also something that my mind can believe? My biggest opportunity right now is to figure out what that next step is so I can go out there and freaking live it. Or, my biggest commitment right now is to find my confidence so I can get out there, get that new job, and start doing the things that I know I deserve to be doing right now.
And that your mind can believe that, but when we're assuming that the biggest challenge is the only truth. We get stuck there.
Finding Inspiration in Empowering Stories
We get stuck and focus on what we can control and being mindful of the stories that we tell ourselves and being mindful of the assumptions that we make because if we start to make assumptions we start to close in on the possibilities at hand, but when we start to think about the other possible ways. We start to think creatively about different ways to approach challenges, trials and tribulations within our life.
And focusing on what's within our control, not what's not in our control. Focusing on all the different ways that we can approach a particular situation. There's not just one way anytime that we are faced with a challenge.
Think about the other people who have possibly experienced this particular challenge. There is a motivational video that I have saved on my phone. I'll include it in the show notes for today's episode, but there is this video that I watched. Anytime that I feel like I'm facing a hardship or a challenge in life, I click on this video and I watch it because every time I watch it’s a combination of all these different people, everybody from J. K. Rowling to Oprah to Denzel Washington, Will Smith, all of these different people who have achieved high accomplishments. And they talk about their failures and what they did to achieve where they are today. And so I love this video. I save it on my phone. I've watched it before going to interviews previously when I was in the corporate world. I watched it anytime I've just kind of felt like I've hit a wall. I'll include it in the show notes today because it is one you want to save.
That is part of creating what I like to call your personal empowerment system, and we all should do that.
I love stories of people. It's one of the reasons why I started the podcast, but I love watching movies and documentaries where people have overcome adversity. They've come out stronger. I'm always just so inspired by them. And that's one of the reasons why I love hearing these stories. I love watching them because it just goes to show you the possibilities of what is out there when we focus on what's in our control.
When we have that resilience to bounce back from setbacks, when we focus on what our passions are and we meet it with perseverance, that's what grit is. That is what unstoppable grit is, we continue to move forward despite all the challenges that we have and we focus on what's possible.
100 Days of Epic: Creating Radical Transformation
Hot off the presses, 100 Days of Epic. And this is a combination of blood, sweat, tears, and some of the kind of naivete tacks coming together here from clients who have said it. What if I invested three months? Could I move the needle in three months?
This is 100 days of small insights, strategies, and action steps that are even gamified if you want it to be. You can collect points, but to help you learn the how and a lot of stuff that we just talked about. How do you master your focus and what are the different ways that it can impact your confidence, your self-esteem, all of these things that you don't realize that either focusing on the present or the lack empowers you to do or disempowers you from doing.
How can you avoid sabotaging yourself right from the start? How can you start changing that with your language? How can you use your language actually as turbocharged for yourself? And then, of course, that ability to envision. So it's all here in 100 days of epic. It's fun to go through and play with.
If you're looking for that epic version of yourself, this is like the step-by-step manual of how to create that momentum.
My inner child inside of me who played sports all growing up is saying, I get to earn points towards something. This isn't deliberate because it's the dopamine effect.
It's a dopamine feedback loop that keeps us engaged. And so I thought, why can't we do it with a book? Let's have, especially a book on personal development. I mean, you can see from the rubber chickens behind me that I don't think that. Becoming those bigger, bolder versions of ourselves should be quote unquote hard or painful or miserable.
I think it's energizing and it is that quote of what the world needs now are people who have come fully alive.
Skyler continues to break through the possibilities. She has gotten to the point where she has a lot more independence than she had before, meaning she can get herself to the restroom. She can eat on her own. And we're even working with her being able to walk with a walker. She still has someone holding her while she's doing that.
That sounds like that daily motivation is to be inspired by somebody who's overcome this boulder and is living an epic life.
I have a little gift for your audience since while we were talking about language short and sweet as a bonus, we're going to give you a link where you can download 10 phrases that we all say without thinking about them, not realizing that they throw us backward and how to shift them, how to change them around
If this episode resonated with you and you believe that somebody could benefit from living an Epic life, please share this episode with your friends, your families, and your colleagues.
