5 Easy Ways to Reduce and Cope with Stress with Dr. Tamara Beckford
Are you feeling overwhelmed? Stressed out? Do you feel like you can't keep up with the demands of life? You're not alone. In this episode, we're going to be learning about some tools to help cope with stress. Tune in to learn more!
In This Episode, You Will Learn About:
How to recognize burnout
Strategies to prevent and cope with stress
How to support burned-out employees
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About our guest:
Dr. Tamara Beckford is a board-certified emergency physician, wife, and mom. She is the CEO of UR Caring Docs, where she helps help companies create amazing cultures and reduce employee burnout through curated self-care workshops. She also hosts the Dr. Tamara Beckford Show, where she has interviewed over 155 physicians about self-care, wellness, and the fantastic things they are doing inside and outside clinical medicine. Dr. Beckford has been a guest on dozens of podcasts and has discussed the importance of wellness on many platforms, including Power to Fly, Scale Your Business Summit, and Blaze Virtual Summit. She is also a Success Mentor at the EntreMD Business School (EBS), the largest school for physician entrepreneurs in the United States.
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A Mission for Others
Are you feeling overwhelmed, stressed out? Do you feel like you can’t keep up with the demands of life? You’re not alone. Today’s guest is a board certified emergency physician, wife and mom. She is the CEO of Your Caring Docs, where she helps companies create amazing cultures and reduce employees burnout through curated self-care workshops. She is also the host of Dr. Tamara Beckford show.
I am an ER doctor and a lot of people when they see what I do, they sit and wonder, do you still practice emergency medicine? The answer is yes. Yes, I am an ER doctor. I still work full time, and I’ve been doing so for approximately, almost like 15 years now. Now there’s this little thing that happened in 2020 that really accelerated things, and the stress and burnout. This little item, which was called a pandemic. We’re still going through it, but not at the same level as we did back in 2020. Now, during that time, I had experienced burnout before. Usually when you are in your career that’s very high demanding by year five, six, you are kind of like, “Whoa, what has happened to me?” I did experience burnout during that time. The second time around during this pandemic, there are things that I noticed that I was doing the unbeknownst to me that some of my colleagues weren’t doing, and they were fairing out, like far worse than I was during this pandemic. I looked around and it obviously was noticeable because my medical director at the time sadi, “Hmm, you know, I’m noticing that you’re dealing with this whole process so much better than your colleagues.”
That made me sit and wonder, well, what is it that I’m doing? Once I recognized those, that’s when they said, “Oh, wow, you know what? These things that we teach everyone and they’re just very small, but powerful tools that we can share, and it will help others who are going through burnout.” And, you know, Your Caring Docs was born. Your Caring Docs did not just start out as doing this, it did start out in telemedicine, but I realized the impact as to why I wanted to build a company was to help people to prevent them from having the worst case scenario, which is having to do to the emergency room for these end results. At that time, I thought, okay, I’ll prevent people from going in for urgent case issues. But then when we really looked at these larger issues that’s going on, such as burnout, I said, “I can help with these tools to prevent people coming in and seeing them in the ER for the worst of the worst,” which is not only just burnout, but just straight depression and the end results of that, which is attempting suicide or even other negative things that can impact their lives. You’re definitely on a mission to help others.
Difference between Burnout and Depression
But how does burnout differ from depression?
We have an even definition of what burnout really is. I’ll give you a quick definition that was there. It says, burnout is a psychological response to chronic work stress. It's characterized by feelings of exhaustion. That’s one of the huge differences between burnout. We use the word all the time like, “Oh gosh, just burnt out.” But the true definition of burnout is that it’s related to work situations. You start having feelings of, I’m sitting in front of that building in my car, holding onto the steering wheel. I have my head down and I’m like, I cannot go in there anymore. That’s part of the burnout, the feeling that whatever I’m producing, it’s starting to be less, the quality of my work is starting to become impaired. I am feeling exhausted all the time whenever I think about going to that place. Now you start to put away emotionally, you’re not interacting with your colleagues, very, very small incidents gets really exploded in your mind at work. And when you really think about it, your emotion towards work, it’s just very negative, and it can now bring you to a state where it can move over from just your work life and will transition now to depression, which is your overall life. We’ve talked about burnout. Burnout is related to work.
Bringing over to burnout can lead to depression and the answer? Absolutely. Now we have separated – you can have someone who’s burned out, but then at home they’re just like, say a traditional Monday through Friday job, I cannot stand Monday through Friday, but Friday evening, let’s say 5:00 PM you can clock out and you are like, “Woo, thank you Jesus. I feel much better.” In weekend you’re having a great time, you mind is at ease. But then it’s time to think about Sunday nights and Monday morning - that’s burnouts, because you at least have that time of reprieve in between. With depression, it doesn’t matter if it’s Saturday night, if it’s Wednesday hump day, you’re still feling the same way. Now depression takes over your life and it can lead to the extremity, which is feeling in thoughts of suicide.
Without burnout, you do not have thoughts of suicide, you’re just feeling very sad, demotivated to do things at work. With depression, you’re demotivated with life overall. We have this medical term that’s called anhedonia, which means that you are not having any pleasure with nothing in life. With burnout you’re upset and you’re annoyed at work, but you loved Saturday night. When you get to play with that rock band that you have, that’s your hobby and those things that you do right? With depression, you don’t even want to get out of bed, and even the thoughts of playing with the rock band that normally give you pleasure and joy, it doesn’t do that for you anymore. Those are the differences between burnouts and depression.
What I understand is that there is really a very distinct difference on how we feel at work and when we are feeling lacking productivity, we don’t have the same enjoyments that we do. That inky feeling when it comes to walking into the door of your building that’s related to wor, that is burnout. But when we start to have emotions about all areas of our life, that’s when it starts to get into that category of depression. Either way, burnout or depression can have a negative effect on our emotional and physical wellbeing, which as you know, from your experience being an ER doctor, that I can then go into areas where it affects our physical health, and that’s when we end up going to the ER.
Strategies to Help Prevent Employee Burnout
What are the three strategies leaders and employees can take to prevent burnout?
First thing is being aware. When we start to notice things that have changed in our personality, look and see how are you interacting? Because the thing about burnout is that it’s not a night and day effect. It’s a slow sleeping effect that starts to enter into your system. It’s kind of like water soaking into a cloth. By the time you look, the cloth is heavy and it’s filled. But when you start to notice that the cloth is getting moist, that’s when you start to say, “Okay, I need to do something about it.” That’s the same with burnouts; when you start to notice that there’s a change in your attitude consistently. We all have bad days, but if you’re constantly feeling the same, then you need to say, stop and think. When you notice that your attitude towards your colleagues are consistently negative, then you need to stop and think.
I know that you’ve done some wonderful (podcast) episodes like morning routines – which are all powerful ways to really help to prevent burnout because one of the powerful things about doing like a morning routine, is that you are controlling your day as opposed to, I consider that you were entering into your day as opposed to having your day into you. Right? So why is that good? You respond to your daily stressors versus react to it. And that’s important overall, emotionally right. Now, additional things that are important to help with reducing burnout that are even great parts of self-care is one, having a group like-minded people who are doing things that are goal setting, that you also want to achieve. So being around people because of your work is just one part of your life, it’s not your entire life. Do you have personal development goals that you would like to achieve when you are around others who are doing something similar or have achieved those goals and can help you? Suddenly your outlook looks different. Suddenly that email that would’ve annoyed you, it's just an email. Wow. What a difference in your thought process. What a difference in that way that you handle what is considered conflict, or it would’ve been conflict before, but your mindset is now expanded because you’re around people who are thinking on personal development areas just like you are. And so you learn how to handle your stressors in a different way. I would be remiss as the ER doctor to not talk about nutrition, and I do not use the word exercise. I do not use that intentionally because movement is what I like to talk about. There are so many ways to incorporate movement in our lives that we can get the same benefit as the traditional exercise. And why is that important? The hormones that it releases is exponentially important. We talked about being around people who are like-minded, who are doing things, even if it’s in personal development, like you know, you, or even if it’s something that like you’re a rock band. If you’re a part of a band, you’re part of a knitting club. Being around those people helps to reduce your stress and the anticipation of being around them, it releases this nice hormone. The bond in hormone oxytocin, it’s the same hormone that’s released when people are, can’t wait to be around like their kids, and you hug a baby and then you just feel relaxed or even a pet., pets do that to you too. Release that bond in hormones. Think about how different life is when you come and you’re hugging your pets, then the stressors at home. Those are the ways to reduce it.
When you are also doing your movements, of course we talk about that endorphin at runner’ high, you can get that same high from dancing. Playing that music really loud, singing, jumping around your apartment or your home, having dance party with you kids, that they’re just like, wow; just so excited about Friday night dance party with mom and dad. These are ways that you release those beautiful hormones. You’re releasing your endorphins, your dopamine, your serotonin. Ironically, these are the same hormones that the medications that are used to help with depression are trying to release. These are some natural ways of doing that. Another thing,this is a bonus. Bonus number four, is time bending. I love time bending, so you might be wondering, but time bending really is when you sit and incorporate mindfulness. Right now you might have a busy schedule, but you have 20 minutes that you can sit and give undivided attention to a loved one. Turn the phone off, no instant messenger, no alerts, no notification, and you give that undivided attention to that person. Those 20 minutes can feel like 40 minutes, 60 minutes, and that’s how you bend time. Those are some great ways to avoid burnouts and also depression.
I see connecting with people on a deeper level with that one on one time with them, the dancing, you also said the hugging. In 2019, my husband served a year on deployment. Our twin boys at that time were two, and I was leading a team for a Fortune 500 company and I was traveling 60% of the year. I was doing overnights and talking about a time where I was juggling a lot. But a lot of the principles of what you’re talking about, preventing burnout, had helped me thrive during that time as well. What I had shared with my boys, and I continue to say this, is there’s research around a 22nd hug. That 22nd hug helps release that hormone of the bonding hormone, which also improves our moos. So I always give a 22nd hug. I would come home for work; I would go outside, I would go for a walk with them. It was a way of getting fresh air. It was a way of, as you say, moving the body. Also, it was a way of breaking up with the stresses at work, before going into the stress of the nighttime routine, the dinner and bedtime routine. Then the other one is, you said, dancing. I remember before they would go to bed each night, I would pick them up at different times and I would put on, I would ask Alexa, please play in a relaxing modern country. Slow dance in the living room. Oh and it was that connectivity and it was a way of connecting, and dancing helped reduce some of the stressors from the day. A lot of the techniques and the principles that you talk about, as you said, sometimes we don’t know that we’re even doing them in our day to day, but it truly does help with preventing burnout. The other one you said was, not having distractions. When you’re with your family, intentionally putting your phone in the other room, because we’re very tempted to touch our phone when it’s at rest. Putting it in a whole another room minimizes that temptation to check our phone and to really be intentional about connecting with the people that are in our lives.
All those are such wonderful things, even like the dancing and the hugging. The releasing of the oxytocin that bonds in hormones, it’s just very powerful. These are all like, we look and we think that we are really in control or hormones are in control. If you are able to release them naturally to help us to get through the daily stressors of life, it’s very small, intentional times that are set, that you set apart to do these, it will have a large effect in the long run.
Engagement on a Human Level
Well, let’s kind of shift into, what are some of the ways that a leader can tell if their team is starting to burn out? Because right now, there’s this phenomenon going on right now of quiet quitting, which is people are so burnt out that there’s been research to show that only 22% of employees are actually engaged at work. That is a very low number. As a result, people are becoming less effective at work, less productive. It’s affecting retention. When it comes to, and turnover when it comes to an organization, what can a leader do to specifically spot the signs of burnout and ensure that they are taking the steps to re-engage their employees and support their employees. This is a really great question and it really starts before the signs of burnouts, and it’s one of the ways to really start is by engaging directly with the employees and recognizing or making those touchpoints, because human beings are goal-oriented people. We all have a goal in life. Now, our goals, you might listen to this and say, well, I don’t have a goal, if you think about it, you got up and your goal was to get from point A to point B, and you did it. So it's the very, very small steps.
Overall, when you’re a leader, being able to connect with your team to find out what are some of their additional goals. Now, people might have goals, and I know that at times at work when someone is getting to the point where they’re checking out, they’re like, “Oh no, I’m fine,” so the goals might not be related to the job, but people have goals in their lives. When you’re part of a team or part of an organization, the organization’s goal is to help that person reach their additional goal, and then the employee will give to the organization as a result. Why I feel motivated, my boss recognizes that learning this particular skill is so important to me. So they found that there’s an organization that’s available that’s providing this training on this skill. I know this is something that you’re interested in, would you like me to sign you up for it? Okay. Wow, because now you recognize that there’s more to me than just producing, there’s a goal that I want to achieve within my life. Finding out how that loved one is doing, since we are still in the time of the pandemic. Overall as leaders, had sometimes got very, very focused on reaching the goal for the organization that we at times forgot the person’s personal lives, because there is so much that’s going on in that person’s life before they even enter the door.
I was even told recently about someone who was in the pharmaceutical sales industry. That person was going through a divorce, but because of the pandemic and having to stay in the house, they had to stay in the house with the person that they were trying to separate from. Emotionally, how would that person be at work? You can understand why that person might be checked out, why their productivity might be low. If their productivity’s low and all you’re looking at is just like, well, you know, you used to be able to do this among, but now you’re doing that without understanding the reason why, then of course that person will check out.
It’s a matter of truly asking the questions, and going beyond, not just how are they at work, but truly taking the time to ask the questions on how they’re doing in all areas of life. How are your kids? What exciting plans do you have this upcoming weekend? What is going on in your life? And truly asking those questions—How can I help with anything? Is there a fundraiser going on? Hey, you know, this is the time of the year, I don’t know I didn’t see the popcorn thing this year—and then you can find out things about your employees on a human level.
That’s the connection that we talked about. I think it really is about that connection with that person, on a human level. Once you see that, then when there are stressors in their lives that are affecting them, they’re more likely to stop by and say. “Hey, you know you might notice that my productivity is a little low, however, I’m having some challenges.” Then you can find ways to help them with the challenges. Is it coaching that they need? Is it mentoring? There are ways to just find ways to help them and you’ll get the stellar employee that you’re looking for. That employee will feel connected to the missions and the vision of the job, and they’ll be more likely to want to produce.
Treat your employees as your number one customer and they will treat their customers as their number one. About understanding their goals, both professionally and personally, it’s more than that. One time of the year during the annual performance review, I have this conversation with a lot of executive leaders and they say, “Oh, well, we go through their goals during the annual performance review.” And I mentioned to them, I said, “Does anything happen in their life, professionally or personally within a 365-day period?” Because a lot of changes can happen, and so it’s a matter of connecting with your team every single quarter, checking in. Ensuring that they’re building an individual developer plan, which there’s an episode specifically on how to build an individual development plan. Ensuring that they have the right resources to thrive in all areas, whether it is, you want some specific goals on getting promoted within the organization. Then let’s talk about training and development, some online courses, getting a career consultant or a coach or a mentor. Hey, they’re going through a divorce at home and they’re struggling with some of those. There’s the employee assistant program that a lot of organizations have where they offer three to six free counseling sessions. Providing those resources to your employees to ensure and I’m letting them know it’s okay. And that’s the biggest thing.
I think one of the additional challenges is the mental stress and mental health issues that the employees are dealing with. The employee is kind of like that elephant that’s in the room. I see it happening, but I don’t know how to handle it. I’m going to ignore it and hope that person can handle it and it goes away. But the statistics show that employees want to discuss this and they want the training. They want to learn how to handle it, because they feel it will make them better employees. They said that if you can provide the skills, the tools to handle the stressors that are going on in the environment, I believe that I’ll be able to: one, it’ll increase my resilience. It’ll increase my productivity, and it’ll increase my way to handle high quick changes that occur, which are stressors that occur in the job. This is a survey from employees, from the HR, they want this, they want it. So for those employers and leaders out there who you might have in, you’re in a situation where you see someone struggling and you’re afraid to approach it because you know that it’s such a touchy topic and it’s sensitive. But now that person wants to be approached, at least according to the statistics, almost 50% of them would like for you to talk to them and provide the resources out there.
When you think about it, I always ask the question of what was the most memorable manager that you’ve had in your life? A lot of times people will say, “Oh, it was this individual.” And I say, okay, well why? And it has nothing to do with, “Oh, well they were really good at measuring my productivity.” It was, they took the time to get to know me and what was important to me and what my goals were. When I was going through a challenging time, they were empathetic and they were understanding, and they supported me through that process. That is a memorable manager. I look for, when I talk about qualities in a leader, it’s empathy, it’s vulnerability, it’s caring. It is much more about connecting, as we’ve said, connecting to the people on your team on a deeper level. Overall, I’ve done some polls where I'm surveying people, and that’s exactly what they do when they lose trust. It is when there’s a lack of transparency and then they want leaders who are empathetic, and open, and someone who can connect with them on a level. It’s not to say that we need best friends, no that’s totally different, but just knowing and your team, knowing that you care, then you treat the employees as the number one customers. They will also treat the customers as the number one, so it’s really a ripple effect of care. It makes sense why your organization called called You Care. You shared very valuable advice on how we can cope with stress, the differences between burnout and depression, and the steps that leaders can take to support their team to prevent burnout in this quiet quitting.
