How to Find Your Purpose and Live Your Own Timeline with Dr. Kortni Alston
In This Episode You Will Learn About:
Your life's purpose
Making a greater impact on the world
The science of positive psychology
Growing through challenges
Show Notes:
We all have a sense of purpose in life, but it can sometimes be challenging to know what it is. It's easy to feel lost or stuck without a clear sense of purpose. You may feel like you're just going through the motions day by day and not really living. Finding your life's purpose can be a challenge, but it's worth it. When you know your life's purpose, everything becomes easier. You have a reason to get up in the morning and fight for what's important to you. In this episode, you'll learn how to find your life's purpose and make a greater impact on the world.
"A positive life brings authentic happiness to our soul, and our spirit is awakened by resilience." - Dr. Kortni Alston
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About The Guest:
Dr. Kortni Alston graduated with her Ph.D. from the University of Florida College of Journalism and Communication. She received her Masters of Business Administration at Morgan State University and Bachelor in Mass Communications from Delaware State University. She is a TedX speaker with her talk "Young widow's grief is used to find her purpose." Dr. Kortni was appointed by the former first lady of the United States, Mrs. Rosalynn Carter, and the Carter Center to serve on the Advisory Board of the Carter Center's Rosalynn Carter Fellowships for Mental Health Journalism. She also serves as an Assistant Professor of Journalism and Mass Communication at North Carolina A&T State University.
Website: https://www.drkortnialston.com/
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kalston/
What It Means to Make Your Job Your Calling and Your Purpose
When I was working on my PhD at the University of Florida, and my department, it was College of Journalism and Communication. And so when I was looking to really kind of fine-tune some of my research and studies I stumbled on, literally stumbled on positive psychology. And then I just felt like this is my place. This is home. And so I started to dive in deeper and deeper. To make a long story short, I found one of the leading scholars in positive psychology at the University of Florida. And yeah, his name is Dr. Ryan Duffy. And he served as my mentor and a member of my dissertation committee, and he teaches positive psychology at the University of Florida also has a great TED Talk, by the way, and he also has written the book make your job a calling, he's one of the leading scholars in meaningful work, and what I love so much in terms of all that I learned from him. And then also what I learned as relates to my own journey throughout the process of the PhD was really having the value of the calling, being almost a transcendent summon, something that's bigger than yourself. The difference between a job and a calling. Because your job may be something that you're doing. Your career is something that you're you're leveraging in terms of social or capitol in terms of your background, and in terms of what you're trying to share with the world in terms of your expertise.
Your calling is something that can be greater than yourself. Your calling could also be a combination of the work that you're doing within your industry, and then maybe work that you're doing outside of it. It's something that you feel called to do. Now for me, my calling blends is a combination of the work that I'm doing in the classroom, it's the work that I do as a scholar, is the work that I do as an expert, sharing information with journalists all over the world and executives all over the world, in terms of training them as it relates to how they can leverage positive psychology in terms of workplace well being. But it can also be, you know, thinking about what it looks like on a part-time level, there can be maybe it's a work that you're doing. I have a dear friend who you know, loves her work that she does within her church. You know, but yet I have no other dear friend who ironically enough will be on my podcast coming up this week on cording happiness, talking about the value of our self-care squad that we have with each other. And she's a communications and public relations executive. And she talks about how you know, the work that she does, and also the other work that she's doing outside of that, that she feels called to do.
And so there's so many different dynamics as relates to calling it can be in terms of the work that you're doing within an organization, or it can be the work that you're doing, you know, in terms of the volunteer work, or your nonprofit work or your work that you feel that is so mission-driven, that you feel has given you just really a greater a greater sense of purpose. But for me, I will say, I feel like that my calling is something that I that is completely embodied me in terms of the work that I do at the university, and then also the work that I do, as relates to my public scholarship.
So what I'm hearing, and this is a new perspective that I've really gained over the past year, when I was in corporate America, it was that was my job, that was my career, this is what I was doing. And I really wasn't exposed to the different ways that my the legacy that I want to leave is making an impact and making an impact positive impact on somebody's life or multiple people's lives. And I wasn't truly maybe aware or exposed to the different ways that we can go beyond our immediate role to make an impact. And so some of the things that listeners if you're listening right now, and you're going, how do I do this, one of the things I've been getting involved in this past years, I'm now sitting on the advisory board for the Dallas professional women, and eat every month, a bunch of the advisories. And I coach and support women and am an advocate for women having a thriving career and how to have balance in their lives. And they ask us questions and we help, you know, respond to them and guide. And you can sit on a variety of boards and committees that are out there. So like you said, you can make an impact in your immediate role in the people that you interact with on a day-to-day basis. But you can also step out and above and beyond that, and join boards beyond podcasts, write a book, whatever it is, there are so many different things that you can do. So to really explore beyond that, I'm getting involved in local organizations, as well, there are different ways that you can really find your purpose and find what excites you. And there are organizations and communities that you can get involved in.
Absolutely. And it's interesting you say that because my fiancee is a reporter. He's a television reporter here in the Charlotte market here in the United States, and I should say to Charlotte market in North Carolina, here in the United States. And it's interesting because he has been a reporter for over 20 years. And what's so wonderful is that he also values being able to, you know, share information helps the next generation of journalists. And so he's served on a board for a national journalism organization that we're both a part of is actually where we met, and how we met, I should say. And what's wonderful is the fact that he's a person that loves the work that he does as relates to sharing stories and being able to provide information for the community, right. But then he also is able to really continue to build off his calling with the work that he's doing as a board member helping the next generation of journalists, or helping reporters, as relates to their advocacy in terms of serving, you know, as a champion for them or mentor for them. And so you're absolutely right, it's you can take your work. And it can be something that you can find yourself doing internally within your organization. Or you can find yourself joining, as I mentioned with him, you're a professional organization that you really value that you're actively serving, that really serves is serving the world, but it's also serving your soul. Right? Because when we give back to individuals, and when we're operating on this level of real true giving, it allows us to serve our soul in regards to being able to share, provide, and really be able to enrich someone's life so so I love that you're talking about the amazing work that you've done, Danielle, and really how we can all be inspired to really think about what speaks to our soul to be but help others, too.
Applying Positive Psychology to Everyday Life
Being a happiness scholar, one of the things that I love is being a part of the positive psychology movement, because positive psychology is all about the scientific study of how we really flourish as human beings or organizations. So for years, psychology will focus in on what's wrong with us. The beauty of positive psychology, it focuses on what's right with us what works, what how do we go about improving our lives or creating happier lives or fulfilling lives, or more meaningful work or whatever the case may be. And so I love being a part of positive psychology because it's also about sharing science with the world. And I think it's important to be able to share that because I think it's also a value of thinking about information that is evidence-based, that you know, that has really been through understanding levels of research but then also valuing the narratives and the stories of individuals that I really have been touched by it and have really been able to grow into flourish. So I love being able to share with individuals how to go about leveraging positive psychology, first I've always shared with individuals is thinking about what positive activities they love. So, you know, like what increases my positive emotions? Because this is great in terms of thinking about what brings you joy, what makes you happier, what experiences make you happier, right?
My fiance and I were a unique couple, because of our background in journalism, like we enjoy going out and, you know, recording or shooting, you know, stories or going out and, and, you know, looking at different places in terms of being able to have adventures there. And so we love being able to archive moments, and then we love being able to find new places. One of the things that we missed during the pandemic was our travel. Because traveling was such an adventure. At one point, Danielle, we would probably before the pandemic, we were traveling like every weekend either flying somewhere or doing a car trip or you know going to a different journalist event or you know the work that he's doing as a board member or could be you know, the work that I'm doing and in terms of my speaking, and so we went often hit the road. So that's something that we love doing, we have a couple that just loves being in the car, or loves being on the plane or loves going and walking around a city, and, and being so adventurous and then enjoying those moments with each other. So what though? What do those positive activities mean to you?
Important Questions to Ponder on
What are positive activities that speak to you in terms of either individually or collectively as partners?
What haven't you had a chance to do that you find meaningful?
What is that thing that makes you feel that you are taking care of you?
What is that place that you feel is replenishing you?
Filling Your Gratitude Jar
I love to write down (things I’m grateful for) on a sheet of paper and put them in my gratitude jar. I'm a very visual person. I love it because it allows me to kind of see how much I'm grateful for, and I just love being able to just have that jar. So close by, he did something that was very unique. He knew that this was something I enjoyed doing. He's witnessed me doing it. And so he decided to create his own gratitude jar while he was in Charlotte, and I was in, in Macon, Georgia. And he started to write down all of the things he was grateful for, in regards to me, or in regards to our relationship. And so when he gave this to me as a gift, and actually it was quite a few jars. And, so when we weren't together during the week, I would actually curl up on my couch. And I would actually look at all of these wonderful things that he was grateful for in terms of our relationship. So there's so much value in terms of thinking about what you're grateful for writing them down in the journal, you know, a diary, my case, a gratitude jar, and then being able to give that as a gift to someone. And so I often give gratitude jars as gifts to friends. But I will say that there are so many benefits in terms of, of the value of really being mindful in terms of gratitude, but then also really being mindful as relates to what positive activities in your life, really help increase your well being, and allow you to really have a happier life.
Okay, so gratitude art, I am going to find a gratitude jar. And what I'm going to do is I am going to start my morning with my boys and do something that we're grateful for and put into the gratitude chart and make it part of this family, this family thing that we're going to start in the morning, because I love your idea. I love your eyes. Yeah,
I love it. It's so interesting, you said I have a dear friend of mine, who is a family activity, you know, and so and what she loves to do with the end of the year, so during like, you know, New Years, and we're about to think about the following year, what she does is that they spent the night they spent an evening as a family reflecting she and her husband and their two boys. And so I think it's wonderful, I love that you mentioned being so inclusive and having it as a collective, because it's such a wonderful experience of being able to be present, and to really value the things that have really served us or that we're grateful for. But it allows us to see the good in our life. And that's the beauty of gratitude, it really allows us to see an experience and also savor the good in our lives.
It's such a great reminder to really take a step back. And look at where we've come from and where we're at today. And to be grateful for some of the things, even some of the biggest challenges that have happened in our life, because they shaped us into who we are today. And, and also looking around and just the little things I lay down on my bed often. And go, I'm so grateful for the house that I had because I grew up in a very small two-bedroom apartment, my mom was a single mom and my bed was in the living room. And so to be in a situation where I own a home to be in a situation where I have a place to call home. It's something that I never really grew up with or imagined. And so it's something I'm always grateful for. And sometimes we just forget where life has come and where is today and just to remind ourselves because gratitude is definitely starting that day with positivity.
And I love that you have spent time honoring your journey because I think sometimes when we go through life, and we're high achievers, and we've achieved so much, we can often go to the next thing. But it's great to be able to honor how much and how far you've grown. And so what I love so much about gratitude, and I love so much of what you just shared in terms of your journey. It allows you to really appreciate all of your achievements and all that you've learned. And I love to say this. I know sometimes we may say going through I love saying growing through the things that we've grown through our lives, and that we continue to learn. That really allows us to really have a final appreciation of the people and the things around us, and then also gives us a chance to really reflect and to really be grateful for the goodness in our lives.
How Our Mindset Changes the Way We Look at Things
it's so important to be able to really shift the way we see things. As you mentioned, in terms of, you know, being a widow, and that really just shifted my whole mindset in regards to how I value time and how I value people, as I mentioned earlier. And it also allowed me to value the goodness in my life. So it's interesting, because when you tell people your happiness scholar, guys, people like want your happiness scholar and some people like Wow, your happiness or something like Oh, my goodness, you said happiness, like I have. I've had a range of how, and how someone will respond to that. And some people will assume, because I am uh, you know, my area is in this and you know, and I focus on workplace well-being and that they assume that I am happy 24 hours a day. And I'm like, No, I'm not happy 24 hours a day. But the value is what I do you go through negative emotions or have adversity or some type of hardship. It makes me value the beauty when I have a good day, when I meet great people, or when I have wonderful experiences. But if I thought that when I have bad days, if I allow my bad days to continue to kind of shape my perspective is interesting. I remember when my late husband passed and I remember being at the funeral, I could literally write a book, a book on the darndest things I've heard at the funeral. Because, I get this, like the so many different like some people of course, everyone the intention is not to harm right is a funeral. Most of us don't know what to say when someone passes away. But I remember a young woman who really didn't know me. And I remember she walked up to me and said, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about the loss. I'm so sorry that you lost Brian. I hope this doesn't make you bitter. And I and I remember that statement years ago. And now as a happiness scholar and as a person who has really done the work, you know, because one of the things that I treasured, even back then was having a therapist in my life that really helped me through my journey. And it's interesting that this young woman said, I hope it doesn't make you bitter. And I always thought wow, but I'm not a bitter person. But it was also some projection. It makes me wonder about maybe how she process because what it didn't do, it didn't make me better. It made me better. The loss made me a better human being.
The loss made me a better friend to all the loss made me really value all that I have as opposed to thinking about all that was missing. Did I grieve? Yes. Grieving, you know, is as it is, it is real. And it is a roller coaster. But what it allowed me to do, it allowed me to have this finer appreciation of life. So much so that almost 20 years after it happened. The day that my mother ended up dying because my mother died in 2016. She lost her battle with cancer in 2016. My late husband died in 1999. Right, so here I am literally at my mother's deathbed. And because of all of these experiences, I could treasure being there. I could treasure being able to say goodbye to her. I could treasure being able to make her laugh because I was a comedian a little bit when she was just to make her smile because I love seeing your smile. And I just treasured, being present just being there, where sometimes we didn't say anything. But I think if I didn't have those other experiences that had me evolve to be a better human. It didn't make me bitter. But it certainly made me better.
