What it Takes to Live with Purpose with Best-Selling Author Kevin McCarthy
Episode 145
How often do you find yourself headed to work, but something is missing? You're unsure who you are or what you're meant to do. Beneath the surface, a gnawing sense of emptiness lingers. You might have a successful career on paper, but something crucial is missing.
In this episode, we dive into purpose and how it is the key to unlocking a fulfilling life. You learn the idea of alignment between the heart, head, and hands and its impact on moving forward.
Our guest, Kevin McCarthy, sheds light on the three components of the human experience: physical, mental, and spiritual. Kevin discusses the importance of having a clear purpose statement, the relationship between purpose and vision, and the role of passion in leading a meaningful life. You learn the steps to discover your own purpose.
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About the guest
Kevin W. McCarthy is the Chief Leadership Officer of On-Purpose Partners. He’s an entrepreneur and classically educated business leader with an MBA from The Darden School on the grounds of the University of Virginia and an undergraduate degree in business and economics from Lehigh University.
Since the late 1980s, Kevin has likely directly or indirectly influenced your life and work through his visionary thinking and writing in business leadership. Today, his On-Purpose® Approach is the gold standard in this field and remains on the leading edge of personal development and business leadership thinking.
Kevin is the author of:
The On-Purpose Person, Making Your Life Make Sense
The On-Purpose Business Person, Doing More of What You Do Best More Profitably
FIT 4 Leading, Discover the Joy of Taking a Hard Look at Yourself
Chief Leadership Officer, Increasing Wealth so Everyone Profits
TOUGH SHIFT, Serious Good Change
Connect with Kevin McCarthy:
Website
LinkedIn
Instagram
Facebook
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There is this consistency that I'm hearing from people that I interact with on a day-to-day basis, and it's this consistency where they're waking up each morning, getting ready for work, and on their way, they're on the work. There just seems to be this gnawing feeling underneath, beneath the surface, that there's just something missing. And people can't; they're trying to determine what it is. They know that they're either a spouse or a parent, or they've got this title associated with their job, but there's just something missing. It's one of the reasons why I brought today's guest Kevin McCarthy.
Kevin is a bestselling author of the book "On Purpose," as well as other books like "The Tough Shift" and "Serious Good Change."
Going Through a Business Divorce
When you were first in your career, you were widely successful, man, you were faced with a challenge that changed your trajectory and a major tough shift, both professionally and personally.
When I came out of graduate business school, I wanted to be in the commercial real estate development business because I was focused on becoming a millionaire before I was 35. I mean, how many times have you heard people say that? So, real estate was going to be it, and commercial real estate was my path.
When I was 30, 31, I met a guy in the commercial real estate business. I was a real estate broker doing transactions, but I really wanted to be on the development side. I knew that's where the long-term money was.
I met a guy through a property that I had listed, an industrial park. The day I met him, I said to my wife, "This guy is either a genius or he's crazy." And it turned out I was right. He was both, but we hit it off. He had a piece of property in Gainesville, Florida, at the corner of Newberry Road and I-75, a 50-acre piece of land. He said, "I've got a contract on it, but I need to extend it for $5,000. Would you be willing to put $5,000 in with me, and we can extend this contract?" That began a 50-50 partnership. We got involved in another commercial property, a shopping center, and ended up with a 50-50 partnership with that. Then we brought financial advisor partners in, and we had another project. This partnership evolved rather fast, like meeting somebody and getting married right off the bat within 30 days or something like that.
What I didn't recognize is we eventually had, in today's dollars, about $60 to $65 million worth of ongoing projects. We had built shopping centers and developed an industrial park, but we just had all these different projects going on. I began to discover his ethics were not good. He did some things that ended up with us having five lawsuits, and a sixth lawsuit also emerged. I never had a lawsuit before, and I haven't had one since. Then he started to drink, and as he started to drink, he became worse about his ethics.
Suddenly, I'm 33 years old, and I have to turn to our financial investors and say, "Look, we have a problem. We have a major investor in particular, and I had to turn to him and say, 'We have a problem here. His ethics are not right. He's drinking. What do you want to do?'" Because I was 15 years the junior, they said, "Well, he's the guy that knows what's going on. You're just the kid here," and they chose him.
At that point, I said, "Well, then if you're going to choose him, I'm going to get out because my reputation is so important to me." So I handed all my equity to my partners, my financial partners, and I walked away.
It was a year and a half painful experience of managing through lawsuits, depositions, testifying against my own partnership, mediations, and every penny I had. I wasn't making money, so not only did I walk away from a lot of equity, I walked away from income. I walked into a whole bunch of expenses, and my time was being used for a year and a half. So I ended up technically bankrupt.
I had a personal loan, this is 1986-87, so it's a long time ago. I had a personal loan of about $40,000, then my bank called in on me and said, "We need to be paid." I didn't have any money. It was just one of those things where all hell was breaking loose, and I was in the middle of it. I extracted myself from that business divorce and started a new business doing commercial real estate consulting with mid-market companies.
Finding the Spiritual Purpose
I began to do more business strategy work and business planning. In the course of doing this business planning and strategy work with my clients, I discovered that many of them didn't have business plans or life plans. They were just preoccupied with making money, and having a job. I think that brings us back to your audience in terms of what's going on; they were just preoccupied with making money and having a job, and that was the depth of their meaning.
So I had an opportunity for a group that asked me to come and speak on strategic planning to a group of real estate brokers at their national convention in Florida. They handed me a three-ring binder and said, "Here's the strategic planning process we use," which was like a Fortune 500 plan. I said, "I can do something better." So that's when I really, again, this is like 1988, started looking at this and saying there's something missing in business strategy.
I realize at the time it was purpose, and purpose is kind of that soulful piece, that spirit-led piece. If you look at your mind-body-spirit as describing the human experience, the work we do is kind of with our hands—that's the physical stuff. The thought process we have is the mental stuff. But what's the spirit part? The spirit part is your purpose.
So I began to really look at it and say, "Why don't we talk about that?" Yet, a lot of organizations talk about what used to be, there's a term called esprit de corps, which is the spirit of the group. That concept has been lost and is still lost in corporate America. In fact, it's probably more lost today than it was even in the late eighties when I began to do this. What's taking its place is purpose. But because they're unwilling to go to the spirit side in corporate America because it seems like it's religion, as opposed to the human soul, it's continuing to be sort of left by the roadside. That's one of the big things that I'm working on is trying to transition corporate America to a more soulful place.
Understanding Purpose: Start with Why
One of the books that I think was a defining book when I was a leader and what inspired me to where I am now is the book "Start with Why" by Simon Sinek. That goes back to a lot of what you're saying. It's the why, it's the purpose. It's that spirit. The soul is what, when we understand what lights up our soul and what matters to us, why we wake up in the morning, why we do the things that we do. When we understand that, life can be so much more fulfilling, and it could be more motivating to do certain tasks or activities or aspects of our job that we do. I can't imagine being in a position or a job where I didn't feel like it was fulfilling because it would feel very empty if that was the case. We spend more time at work than we do at home. So to be in a position where we don't have a sense of purpose, we're just doing the task to do the task would be unfulfilling, would be demotivating, and would be hard to feel valued. And I would imagine it would lead to a lot of burnout as well. Yeah, it does lead to burnout, but I think more than burnout is sort of the extreme version of it. But I think what it really leaves us is more of a malaise. That's almost worse.
Malaise just means you're just kind of mired in mediocrity, and you're not willing. It's not so bad that you want to make the change. Yet it's not so good that you're really enjoying it. So you're sort of stuck in this kind of uncomfortable comfort zone. And that's the worst place, I think, because burnout, you're going to do something about burnout. You just can't stay in burnout. A lot of times it's that mediocrity that we kind of stay in that same position. We're not necessarily happy with what we're doing, but we're not completely dissatisfied. And so we just stay.
Aligning Values with Your Vision-Mission Statement
I was visiting with a guy the other day who's probably about 38 years old he's an engineer, has a good job, and is married with three children and a great wife. I said, "How do you enjoy your work?"
He goes, "It's okay."
I said, "What would you be doing if you weren't doing that?"
His whole countenance changed, and he said, "That's what I ask myself all the time. What would I do if I didn't do this? It's like, you know, this is okay. I'm good at it, but it just doesn't fulfill me. And, I don't have anything else."
It kind of goes back to your vision board. The relationship between purpose and vision is very specific. Where purpose is, as you were saying, your why.
My first book, "The Unpurposed Person," was written in 1991, released in '92. So the unpurposed person is really talking about knowing your purpose, your heart, your vision is what's in your mind's eye, where you see your future or what you envision. Then your mission is what you do to make that, that's your hands and your feet to live it out. And then your values which are going to guide you through these decisions, are in your throat and in your gut. So that when your heart, your head, and your hands are aligned with your values, now you are moving forward.
Three steps to help discover your purpose
Understand What Purpose Is: Purpose is described as spiritual DNA, akin to physical DNA but related to one's identity.
Create a Two-Word Purpose Statement: Develop a simple, memorable, and applicable two-word purpose statement.
Embrace Growth and Navigate Challenges: Cultivate personal growth within oneself and in others, recognizing that growth involves both positive and challenging experiences.
Understand What Purpose Is
The big challenge that I found, again, took me about 30 years to develop the OnPurpose.me tool that you're describing. I had to first understand what is purpose, then how is purpose structured. And it does answer this why question. But what is it really? Do we understand it? The only way I can do it is I have tons of analogies about it. Kind of like I was talking about your heart. It's close to your identity. I describe it as your spiritual DNA. We have a physical DNA. We all know that that's unique. It doesn't change, yet we change. So there's a spiritual DNA that is in us that doesn't change, yet we change. Our ideas change, our vision changes and even our values will change. So it's this idea that something’s missing.
Create a Two-Word Purpose Statement
How do you take that something that's missing and begin to have a process to find it? That's why I have this generic setup, which is, that I exist to serve by, and then there are two words.
So I do two-word purpose statements. It is a structure that I found that is the simplicity of it, the memorability of it, and, frankly, the applicability of it. I mean, do you want to share your two-word purpose? I serve by cultivating growth.
When you look at cultivating growth, what does it mean to you? To me, it means to cultivate growth within myself, within others, and serve others because I believe the way that we are born is not fixed. We can develop and grow over time into being the best versions of ourselves. When we cultivate growth, we build confidence, connect better with other people, we are happier, we're more fulfilled. I've always believed that growth is valuable, it's part of one of my core values.
Embrace Growth and Navigate Challenges
As you're cultivating growth in others, but at some level, again, with the spiritual nature of this, is that if one can acknowledge that there's something bigger than self. In Alcoholics Anonymous would call it a higher power. In the church, they would call it God, or Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. In Buddhism, Hinduism, Muslims would have it as something bigger than themselves - God, Allah, whatever one's perspective is. Either there is God, something bigger, or there is not, which means then you're God.
So, what I look at is falling into the camp of there's something bigger than me. And that's, so we'll just call that God for the sake of simplicity. So, really when you look at it and say here's this intelligent design, if you will, or this God, what is the relationship you have in terms of how God is conspiring to cultivate growth in you?
And so you can look back a lot of times and say, "Wow, that was a growth experience. This was a growth experience. This was not, this was this," and you can almost see, like Adam Smith, the great economist, who wrote the wealth of nations talks about the invisible hand in economics, but there's also sort of like, there's this invisible hand that's been sort of guiding you in your life. And at times you work with that invisible hand and other times you work against it. And so in many ways, what we're attempting to do is understand these two words are most important about your relationship with the invisible hand or with God, if you will. And so God's working to kind of cultivate growth in you.
Now, are you willing to receive that? Obviously, you are. You're aware of it. You're embracing that cultivating growth; you're kind of saying, "Okay, God cultivate growth in me." Now, the thing that's interesting about cultivating growth is if you know anything about farming, sometimes you have to deal with manure.
Sometimes you have to dig deep. Sometimes the seeds have to die. Sometimes the plants have to die in order to produce more seed. So it's not necessarily all rosy and good and all of these sorts of things; it's nitty, it's gritty, to use your word, it's this grittiness of life that is there. But see, at the end of the day, you've got this cultivating growth that says it doesn't matter; this is the way that growth is being cultivated in me. And yes, I've got to walk through the crap, and yes, I've got to walk through the mud and the rain and the snow and all the things that are going on - although you're in Florida, so you don't get much snow, but, you know what I'm saying? It's these, this is the kind of thinking that you're able to walk through and say, that is what's been missing, that is what sustains me and gives me the resilience and the grit to get through it.
The Tough Shift Within Six Months that Led to Purpose
And I had shared that In 2020, six months had radically changed my life. The beginning of the year started; my husband's base got hit by 13 missiles in one night. Yeah. And I was at our national sales meeting. So I was here. I was trying to lead my team. I'm on the phone. I'm hearing missiles hit my husband's base. It was devastating. It was making national news. Gratefully, he came home right after he came home. My mom was in a coma. Then, a couple of months after that, my mom was taken by suicide. Then the pandemic hit a week later, and then I was in a toxic work environment, and I left the company that I was with for seven years. So within six months, my life had completely shifted.
And when you're talking about being in the manure and talking about being in these parts of life that are heart-wrenching. You talk about being just walking, not necessarily happy, not necessarily sad, just kind of mediocrity. That's where I was at before then. And then my last life came crashing down. And I believe a hundred percent with what you're saying. When I look back at that moment and I say it was hard, there were times when I would. I was on the floor gasping for air and crying because I just felt like I couldn't believe what was going on in my life. And I couldn't believe what was going on in the world. And at the same time, it was at that moment through that journey where my eyes were opened up wide and saying, what do you want in life? And why are you waking up every single day? And what do you want this next phase of your life to look like? What kind of wife do you want to be? What kind of mom do you want to be? What kind of leader do you want to be? And that's what started this journey of going into being a podcast host and going into writing a book.
And eventually, it's funny this past week, I celebrated the one-year anniversary of my getting baptized on October 16th. I know this episode is probably going to air a few months out, But I have this, I got a tattoo to celebrate it. And it says rise up because in those moments of tragedy and in those moments of hardships and trials and tribulations, we are called to rise up towards a greater purpose. And when you talk about being on purpose and it's to a higher power, that is the higher power. It's the greater calling and saying, I am living on a purpose greater than myself. To serve others, to serve me, and to serve Him and whatever that He is for you, it's that greater purpose, but that is what grit and resilience is and that's what's living on purpose.
Old Patterns Hinder Personal Growth and Purpose
For many people, I think it'll be sort of the last tumbler in the lock. It's kind of like there's this locked door. Now this isn't, this is an analogy often used, which is to imagine there's this glass wall and you're in your life today on the other side of that glass wall is the life that you dream of. And there's a lock in there. And you keep trying to put a key in there, but the key doesn't seem to fit. It doesn't work. And what happens is the key is just missing one little bump. And that little bump is your two-word purpose statement. And so all of a sudden you get a key that opens it up and you're able to walk into this life. Now, the thing that's really fascinating about this is because I've worked with thousands, maybe tens of thousands of people, how many of us will not walk across the threshold on the other side of that glass wall, it's almost like we have Stockholm syndrome where we're held captive to our old beliefs, our old ways, our old patterns, and we're unwilling to move into that. And the reason that we're often unwilling to move into it is that we haven't got a vision board.
Creating a Vision Board to Break the Old Patterns of Unpurposed Life
Identify Your Passion and Purpose: Understand the relationship between your purpose and vision.
Connect Head, Heart, Hands, and Feet: Align your vision with your thoughts (head), emotions (heart), actions (hands), and direction (feet).
Define Your Vision Clearly: Describe the life you want to create and the impact you aim to have.
Prioritize Lifestyle over Career: Before making career decisions, make lifestyle decisions.
Involve Others in Your Vision: Engage in open and honest discussions with those close to you about your aspirations and be supportive of their goals as well.
The relationship between your purpose and your vision, the other aspect of this is passion is a word that people use; they often talk about there's something missing and it feels like passion. So we talked about the relationship between the heart, the head, the hands, and the feet, which is, you know, your vision is what you see in your mind's eye. Passion is another word that is there because at some level they're trying to say, how do I tap into passion? And most people will tend to think of passion as something that they're really emotional about, that they really, really care about.
But passion actually means, first, it's an archaic meaning it means to suffer or the way I tend to translate it into our current reality is that passion means it's the price you're willing to pay. How much does it care? How much does it matter? Why is this so important that you're willing to pay the price? whether it's for your marriage, whether it's for your child, whether it's for your job. The work the calling that you have in your life, the cause of this so important to you. and I think that this is one of those areas where organizations are really missing going back to sort of the esprit de corps is they're failing to capture that pent-up energy. And desire we have to make a difference and most people say, I want to make a difference, but I don't know how purpose, vision, mission, and values and a plan to go with it or how you make it so that whenever that purpose statement opens up and you do see that glass wall and you walk through and it's not unfamiliar.
It is what you have been living into all along, as opposed to, I don't deserve that, or I'm unworthy of that, or I don't have the confidence to go there. it is seeing it, it is experiencing it, it is feeling it, it is understanding that this was made for you to walk into that sort of a design. But if you don't have a design, then guess what? You're in the malaise.
I kept hearing was, well, I'm working so much, I'm working so much, and, I've always got so much going on. And when you talk about, yes, that can be perceived as passion, they're very passionate about their job, their career that they have, but what is it at the expense of? And there's no judgment here because I have been there. I was dedicated. I am still dedicated to my career. I love my career, but my perspective has shifted a lot in the sense of why I dedicate time to my business and my career. And it's more related to having a positive impact on a broader scale than it is necessarily to climb the corporate ladder, to have the job title, to have a certain income. But so many of us that are out there are still in that I'm so busy, and they're just kind of walking the steps and missing out on that purpose.
Ultimately, what sacrifices are they making in all areas of their life with their relationships and their happiness? Yeah, they're selling their soul, so to speak, is what it feels like, but they're not recognizing that they're selling their soul. And that's part of it. I mean, there's a big disease in our culture today, and it's a disease of meaninglessness. whether it's a marriage that feels meaningless a life that feels meaningless or a work that feels meaningless, but basically that's what the purpose is to vaccinate. That's sort of a new term if you will. That is what it's attempting to vaccinate us against and, often, underneath that malaise is the absence of meaning and the absence of a clear vision—the absence of knowing what to do. I mean, most people who probably come to you, if it's a career issue, are saying, "What should I do?" The first question they ask is, "I want clarity." I don't know what to do. I've been lost, undervalued, unfulfilled. And so what's going on is they're asking a "do" question, which is a mission question. So whenever you ask a "do" question but you don't have a vision and you don't have a "why" or a purpose for it, you're just chasing.
It's almost like you're moving on the surface from one thing to the next, and whatever looks good or whatever pays a little bit more money or looks like a better environment or all those sorts of things, as opposed to sitting there saying, "Wait a minute, who am I? Why am I here? Where do I want to go? How will I get there? And what is really important to me along the way?" So I always tell people, that before you have a career decision, you have a lifestyle decision. What is the life you're attempting to create? And if you understand the life you want to create, then you can decide and design the career that you're looking for.
Now, I realize that that's a luxury for some people. Some people are just trying to get by, paying the bills. But I also want to say, if you're caught in a place where you're just paying the bills and maybe you're not making really good money, you may not feel like you have the luxury to do that. But, in fact, all the more reason to get clear about what's going on, because otherwise, you're going to move from sort of stuck and never get out because you don't have anything to aspire towards that is meaningful for you. So you'll just be a pawn in the pond of life, so to speak, as opposed to being able to be somebody who can really swim on their own and escape and live that life that you really feel called to. That's the thing that's missing.
"Oh, I'm so glad you mentioned that," because a lot of times when people come on, they'll get on a call with me. And oftentimes, once people get on a call with me and they're at a point where they're in tears, they're so discouraged, they are frustrated, either they've been looking for a job or they've been trying to get promoted within their organization, they're not getting promoted, or they're thinking about starting a business.
But ultimately, no matter which position they're in, I always go back to "Why?" When you achieve that particular goal, how do you want to feel? How do you want to show up in the world? Who do you want to be? What motivates you? Understanding the purpose beyond just that job title. And when people are looking for jobs, it's not a lot of times they will ask, "What do you want your life to look like?" Because a lot of times, I'm working with medical sales professionals. If you want to be home every single night, to kiss your kids good night and to say good morning to them and have flexibility in your schedule, then being in OR sales and being on call may not necessarily be the job for you. I just had this discussion with somebody else. But if they get the thrill of being part of life-saving emergencies, like having an emergency come in and being part of the hands-on experience of putting bones back together that's what lights them up. And they are passionate about that. And they feel like they have a greater purpose of being part of saving someone's life. Then that is the role for. But without understanding that purpose, you're right. They're just going to go from stuck to stuck to stuck, or they're just going to be chasing a job title without truly understanding the type of life that they want for themselves.
"Yeah, and if they do have that calling to be out in that, they better have a spouse who understands this is the reality for me, this is what makes my motor run." And if your husband said to you, sweetheart, this is what makes me absolutely joyful, would you deny him that? No, you would support him. I have an interesting story here. When my husband and I first got engaged, he went—before we got engaged, he said he wanted to join the military. And I was like, absolutely. I support you. And then he put a ring, and all of a sudden these visions of my life of going, wait a minute, I just bought a house. I was in my management position for my dream job. And I was going, now you're going to have me move every couple of years. No, I did not just work this hard to get to where I'm at. And I said, no, don't, said, love you and I want to marry you, but if you don't want to get married because I'm saying don't join the military, then I understand that's my position and why I'm kind of taking things back. And he said, no, let's get married. But I eventually saw how miserable he was.
He was chasing the dollar versus chasing what truly he felt called to do towards that greater purpose. The higher power, and eight months after we got married, he was 32 years old. He sold his business and joined the military. You talk about somebody who's got a lifestyle where we had to have that difficult conversation, and I always joke around. I will never be first in our marriage. I'm third. First, it's God in our marriage. Second that, it's military because ultimately the military decides where we go, and then it's me. But it's a discussion that we had openly and honestly before he joined. But yeah, at first, I was resistant to it.
The thing is, you love him enough that you're saying, "I support you" and being joyful in much the same way. I would hope that if you said, "I want to quit my job and I want to go pursue my own independent thing," which you've done, he would look at it and say, "Danielle, I love you dearly. I will support you in that." You know, not he did. It's, and it's these negotiations, and that's what they are. They're negotiations. Let's make no bones about it, and it's working through that. But it's the old iron sharpening iron as one person sharpens another. And through this, you are able to help him be where he is joyful. He's able to help you be where you're joyful, and that is really the blessing of a marriage, is when you're able to be in a position where you are mutually supportive of one another. And you've worked out, you know that your husband can be called away at any moment. I mean, he could be on his way over to Israel in a month. And you're like, "Oh, my gosh, you know, that's the reality that I live with. It's like being married to a cop in a way." And so, this is where you recognize these are the realities I have to live with, and I choose to live in that because I care so much for him, and he says the same thing about you.
Yes, and he does. I remember the day when I looked at him and I said, "I think I'm going to leave corporate. I think I'm going to start this business," and he said, "I support you." He said, specifically, "This is your time." He says you've supported me the past six years as he was building his career in the military. And he said, "This is your time." Although he supported me when I was in my career too, but yeah, it is kind of those negotiations back and forth. And I found in marriage that sometimes someone's career may take a little bit more of a headway than the other, but you go back and forth, and you support each other.
OnPurpose.me: More than Just a Tool
The OnPurpose.me tool is out there. It takes just a few minutes to do it and is really my gift that I try to give to the world in many ways. I mean, there's a nominal charge for it, but it comes with a course that they could take. And then in addition to that, anytime they can jump on once a month, I have a live video conference where anybody can jump on and ask questions of me about clarifying their purpose or how I understand this or how I apply it. So there are these mini-coaching sessions that occur. And I really encourage people to take advantage of that. We've had over 10,000 people use the tool. But when we do our monthly event, we may only have 5, 6, or 7 people that show up. So they're going to get, you know, it's not like you're showing up with 100 people on a call. You're going to get individual help if you want individual help, at least at this point.
For me, that's really a joy because I love working with people on their purpose states and understanding them. And understanding even the framework of it, as well as the concepts that are behind it, when you've got 30-plus years of focusing on purpose, I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot. I've forgotten more than most people know about it. That's really the joy for me is to connect. Let's connect. Let's not sit. Mired in the mediocrity of your life when you can be freed up to maybe take a good run, a good run at it.
Being on Purpose
So before we wrap up, I want to know, what's your purpose statement?
Yeah, mine is two words again, but I haven't hyphenated one. Mine is “being on purpose”.
The state of being, being is not an easy thing for me. Being is being in the present. That's just there. That's just accepting things. And I'm a futurist. I'm living into the future and then on purpose for my purpose. Another way I look at purpose is it is one's identity. It is rooted in an identity in God. If I'm on that purpose, then I'm one with God. If I'm off my purpose, I'm separated from God. So it's this being at one with God is a way that you could kind of translate it. But that also means I have one with myself and I have to be one with my marriage and one with my family and so on and so forth. So I do it very imperfectly, but I'm always working to get better.
We're not perfect, right? And so that's part of every day we're working and striving to be the best version of ourselves and to be on purpose, and it's always evolving. And we can't do everything. That's part of it we can't do everything quickly. We're going to make bad decisions. We're going to make good decisions. Hopefully, we make wise decisions more often than not, or we recognize when we shouldn't be making a decision, but that's really what it comes down to is just having the wisdom to kind of look at it and say, yeah, this is there. I'm not at peace over this. I got to do a little bit more research or a little bit more thinking or yeah, I've got to move forward now. Sometimes you don't have the luxury of time. You just have to. Yeah. And then not, you suffer the consequences, good or bad, and let's say they're bad and then you just say, "Hey, I made the best decision I could at that time with what I had." And you move on and you learn from it. That's the important thing. You learn from it. And those learning experiences, I call them tough shifts. When you have a tough shift event, that is life. What seems to be life-wrecking is actually can be a life-transcending experience.
I can speak the truth to that because I definitely went through one of those tough shifts it was transformative and ended up being the biggest blessing in my life. I'm so much happier now. So it ended up being a good blessing.
And it would be different. I mean, that's the real thing is, are you prepared, to, at some level, not let go of your vision board, but allow the vision board to shift? It's all of a sudden, and what you may find the way I tend to describe this is, it's almost like you've climbed to get to this mountaintop, and then you get to that mountaintop and you realize, Oh, my gosh, there's another mountain over here, and there's a valley that I've got to go through to get there. But when I get to that one, it's just this sort of evolution of understanding and learning that all these experiences are equipping you for something different than maybe what you anticipated it would be. But you end up at the end of the day, your character is better. And if you have a better character then the events themselves are not as earth-shattering, they just are. I believe that the challenges, the trials of tribulations that we go through are shaping us into the person that we're meant to be tomorrow. And when you asked about that vision board, so I do a vision board every year. I have a vision board that sits above my desk every single year. I take it down. My kids and I kind of, they cut things out. I cut things out. We put it on, and I love how every year I love taking the accomplishments that I've achieved off. And putting new ones on, but it's a collection of different areas on my vision board. So on my vision board, I can look up right now. I just now realize this. One of a tattoo that I just got. And then I've got some Bible verses on there. I've got a picture of a snowman because I want to build a snowman with my kids. Cause as you said, there's no snow in Florida.
Some of my goals are professional and some of them are our personal goals, but at the center of everything is my family and it's always the reason when I look back and go, well, why am I working hard towards what I'm doing right now? It is to be present with my family, to be present with people. and I love creating that every single year.
No, I've got a vision board right here. See? These years later, I mean, I still have a vision board up there like you. I just found that there's a benefit to just being able to look at something and remind yourself why. You know, it does give some of the why. It's not the why. It's not the real why. But it does give some of the why I am in my office working at five o'clock in the morning and getting up early and doing the things choose to do some an independent business owner like you are a part of it is I'm just a really bad employee don't take orders very well. I could never be in the military.
Fortunately, when I was a kid, I wasn't a bad kid. So my parents didn't have to sit on me too often. But, it's pretty funny though. I just am not a good employee. I think I am a good employee in the sense that I've always typically followed the rules. The joke that my husband says is that I'm a rule follower. I've now come to realize that it's so much more fun being a business owner because then you get to do things in alignment with your core values, not somebody else's core values. You get to pick and choose what you want to do.
