Finding Your Self-Worth Amidst Society's Expectations with Former NFL Spouse Eileen Noyes
Episode 136
In today's episode, we have the incredible Eileen Noyes joining us to share her powerful story of resilience and growth. From entering in as a wife of an NFL high-profile figure to exiting out of the game, prior to her public divorce and cult involvement, Eileen has learned to have thick skin and find strength within herself.
Join us as she reveals how her faith and unwavering belief in her purpose have guided her through the toughest times. Get ready to be inspired by Eileen's journey and learn how you too can overcome obstacles and step into your own power.
After this Episode, You Will Be Able to ...
Be authentic even under pressure from society
Put your trust in God's guidance over your fears
Take personal trials as opportunities for growth
Free Resources: Thank you for taking the time to write a review and for sharing the podcast with your friends. To claim your free resources send a screenshot of your review to UnstoppableGritPodcast@DanielleCobo.com. We appreciate your support!
Want to work with Danielle? Schedule your call today: https://bit.ly/3OnuLLO
Let's Connect!
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daniellecobo/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MsDanielleCobo
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedaniellecobo/?hl=en
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DanielleCobo
Website: www.DanielleCobo.com
Join the Unstoppable Grit Podcast Facebook Community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/unstoppablegritpodcastcommunity
Book Recommendations: https://www.amazon.com/shop/influencer-de49157c/list/2W8I8NWS6N4CJ
About the guest:
Eileen Noyes, formerly a part of the NFL world for over nine years, has experienced the ups and downs of the professional sports from entering in as a wife of an NFL high-profile figure to exiting out of the game, prior to her public divorce and cult involvement.
Through her first book, Sidelined No More, Eileen shares how she navigates through her unique circumstances while in the public eye.
Eileen is also the founder of Lady Bellator supporting people who’ve lost their identity, their purpose, and their voice.
Connect with Andrew Pearce
Instagram Page Link: http://www.instagram.com/eileenpnoyes
Facebook Page Link: www.Facebook.com/eileen.Gbajabiamila
Website: http://Ladybellator.com
About the host:
Danielle Cobo is an international female speaker for organizations, associations, and the public sector. She works with audiences to harness the grit and resilience to lead through change.
With over 15 years of corporate experience in the medical sales industry, she knows how to build high-performing teams that increase sales, productivity, and employee retention. Her expertise includes corporate resilience and burnout prevention.
Danielle is the author of “Unstoppable Grit: Breakthrough the 7 Roadblocks Standing Between You and Achieving Your Goals” and hosts the globally top-rated podcast "Unstoppable Grit Podcast with Danielle Cobo.”
As a former Fortune 500 Senior Sales Manager, she led her team through downsizing, restructuring, and acquisitions to become the #1 sales team in the nation. As a result, she was awarded Region Manager of the Year. Her resiliency motivated her to earn four consecutive national Sales Excellence Awards in a male-dominated industry.
While her husband, a Blackhawk pilot in the Army, deployed to Iraq for a year, Danielle learned to balance a demanding job while caring for their energetic 1.5-year-old twin boys, who possess more energy than a squirrel after a triple espresso.
Danielle’s resilience led her to start her own business, helping others develop the grit, resilience, and courage to thrive in life and business.
Her tenacious attitude stems from being raised by an ambitious mother and recovering from being taken from her father and cast out at 17 years of age.
She is a two-time 60-mile walker and a monster truck driver in Louboutin’s.
Danielle has a bachelor’s in communication with a minor in psychology from the California State University of Fullerton, Certification in Inclusive and Ethical Leadership from the University of South Florida Muma College of Business, and accreditation in Human Behavior from Personality Insights. Inc., and Leadership from Boston Breakthrough Academy.
She is a member of the National Speakers Association, the Central Florida National Speakers Association Chapter, Innovation Women, and a former member of Working Women of Tampa Bay. Danielle serves on the Military Advisory, Workforce Development, and Women of Influence Committees of the Tampa Chamber of Commerce. She is also a contributing writer for Women's Quarterly Magazine.
Her experience includes serving as a Training Pillar on the Military Spouse Economic Empowerment Zone Committee and Career Transition Advisor for Dallas Professional Women.
Through Danielle's captivating storytelling, content-rich and motivational style, she empowers individuals and organizations to cultivate unwavering resilience, igniting a transformative path towards increased sales, productivity, employee retention, and collaboration.
About the show:
The Unstoppable Grit Podcast with Danielle Cobo explores the journeys of people who have overcome adversity and harnessed the grit and resilience to thrive in all areas of their lives, Guests share how they overcame difficult times - the strategies, mindset shifts, lessons they learned along the way, and actions that propelled them forward. From navigating career setbacks to overcoming personal obstacles, each episode is a testament to grit and resilience.
You'll learn how to develop the grit and resilience to lead yourself and others through change.
Join host Danielle Cobo, keynote speaker and author of "Unstoppable Grit: Break Through the 7 Roadblocks Standing Between You and Your Goals." A new episode is released every Wednesday at 4:00 AM EST.
Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts
"Danielle and her guests are so Uplifting." <-- If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing the show! This helps me support more people- just like you -- develop the grit and resilience to thrive in all areas of their lives.
Our guest today, Eileen Noyes, formerly a part of the NFL world for over nine years, has experienced the ups and downs of professional sports from entering in as a wife of an NFL high profile figure to exiting out of the game prior to her public divorce and cult chainvolvement. Through her book, Sidelines No More, Eileen shares how she navigates through her unique circumstances while in the public eye. Eileen also is the founder of Lady Bellator, supporting people who've lost their identity, their purpose, and their voice.
Thorns of Public Scrutiny
We were in a small town, we were in Green Bay. It's predominantly white. As a Packers, everything is all about Packers over there. an interracial couple in the community. We had, at the time, six boys and a girl. There were always stares. I mean, whether people knew, which was rare, people knew him as a Packer or not. You just feel the stares and you can just know that's part of the territory.
I saw different women interact in different ways. And so I saw some women get really frustrated as you're going out and people are asking for autographs. And I just remember seeing I have the ability to either understand that it's part of the world and set boundaries or getting flustered when my husband decided to sign an autograph or do things. I just remember looking at this one person, I was like, I don't want to do that. I don't want everybody to set my mood because I can't control them. If they're going to come and they're going to say this and that or, ask for autographs or you read articles. You learn to have thick skin and at the same time navigate to have a tender heart going, okay, who is legit, who's really wanting to get to know us or who's really wanting to befriend us.
I do have a lot of friends who are in a high-profile position in the public eye. They've also shared that one of the challenges that they have is trusting and understanding who has the right intentions of developing a connection and friendship from a good place in their heart versus who is trying to develop the friendship with getting an outcome of something, and that would probably be really difficult in understanding the trust with people.
The interesting part is, there's a couple of them where I'll go. Okay. Why is that still there? Or there's persistence. There's been a couple of them who are really, really great friends of mine. And I've actually heard some people who we aren't as close. There was some sort of women's organization and someone had said, she was talking about how it took a long time for her to get to know me.
She was sad she regretted that she didn't really pursue it in the beginning because she thought, no, everybody's trying to vie for her time. And so she was like getting to know her because we are kids to the same, we were in the same school. I wish I had really pursued getting to know her because we really would have clicked. Cause there's a lot of people that are sensitive, not everybody's just trying to like, get in your face. It takes a lot of discerning, but you kind of just get used to it and it just comes with the territory.
So something that I'm experiencing as I have more of a presence online is these messages that are coming in oftentimes from men. I really want to get to know you and hope you're having a great day. And I'm a little reserved in the sense of what are the intentions of that person. Because as you mentioned, setting some boundaries and saying, I am married. I have kids. I don't want to do anything that is going to jeopardize my marriage and the boundaries that my husband and I set to really protect our marriage.
No, definitely not. you know what? What's up with that? Like. There have been times when it's men. I'm like, they know I'm married. Why are they fake names?`
Well, there was one that had messaged me and he said, your book keeps coming through my feed. He sent me the website. It was actually players. Because he wants to help athletes and their wives, promote their next thing. Here I'm sending this link to my kids. Cause I'm like, is this legit? I have no idea who these players are now, but turns out he was very legit and he's actually helped me to network. So, sometimes you just have to give it a shot, give it a chance. And I'm glad that I did that because he's a great guy, and he's really helped me a lot to network.
I'm glad that that turned out well and that he was able to support you and your endeavors and help support the book.
Conquering Trials
You had gone through this high-profile divorce and in the public eye, how did you navigate through some of those tough times? Because whether our listeners are going through a divorce or not, there are always going to be trials and tribulations that we go to.
And what advice would you have for them when they're going through tough times?
Let me start by saying that being in that situation, in the limelight I definitely did not feel like I didn't want anything out in the open. I wanted to do this. I didn't want to be fake.
I'm like, if I get out because not going to lie, it was a pretty crazy situation. For two to three years, I was on my own. I actually facilitated this group called Life Skills. It helped people with conflict resolution, anger management, and learning how to love. I'm this facilitator, but all of a sudden I'm seeing as we're transitioning out of the game, the very things that we're implementing were just turning.
My spouse at the time, I just saw change in him and a lot of it had to do with transition out of the game. As I'm going through this, who can I turn to who can help me? I was dying inside and hardly anybody knew I just felt like I was never good enough to have eight kids, like I love being a mom. I love serving. I had a high-maintenance husband, but I loved all that. But then when it was scrutiny that I was never good enough, that I was not submissive enough, that I was rebellious because the house wasn't clean all these things that I loved and that brought me joy was the thing that I literally wanted to kill myself.
Don’t Go To Battles Alone
I had to get to that point when I needed to reach out and I finally reached out to five women. For a couple of years, we were just praying and fasting and thinking this is going to change I thought that the change was going to be in my husband at the time and that he would get out of this funk that he was in.
But God took those two to three to really help me to learn who I was. I definitely clung to the Lord. That was my anchor, but it was like, I became so strong that hurtful words stopped penetrating. I just remember going, okay, he was addressing me one time, he was saying that I was rebellious and all these things.
God sees me all the time. He knows me. He knows my heart. I said if what you say does not fall in line with what he says. With all due respect, I'm not going to agree with it anymore I'm pretty laid back, I'm like one of those people, like, who do whatever, I don't care, but if, there's a passion in me or if I feel very strongly about something.
This laid-back person is now standing up to me. And so I, that was the shift of, the lashing out at me per se in the situation that we're in. I understood that dynamics was hard for him transitioning out.
It started turning toward the kids and other things. This is where The buck stops here. We can't do this anymore. I rarely talk about it unless people ask me if there was cult involvement. There was a religious teaching that was all of a sudden, polygamy was okay.
If you're a woman, you're not creating the image of God. Two, your salvation is contingent on your obedience to your spouse. Three, no makeup. I would have had to wear a head cover, a T-shirt, and a long skirt. And really it was just all about your purpose as a woman is to cook, clean, and have babies. That was it.
Thank God you didn't get to that point.
Don't do this alone. You have to reach out I know for me and I don't know any other way. Honestly, I could not do it any other way is to anchor myself in God. And He was the one that, strengthened me and I could not have gone through this. I mean, I could have played the victim.
Embrace Individuality
I could have just endured knowing that this would have set the tone for generations to come. And I knew I couldn't do that. I have seven boys. And so for them to know that that's not how you treat a woman. That's not who God is. For my daughter to go, no, that she is so much more than what.
They define me as a woman as I couldn't subject myself or none of my kids to that stuff. So it sounds like over time with the shift in viewpoint of what your life was supposed to be, how you were supposed to act, how are you supposed to show up? What you were supposed to do was almost putting you in a powerless position. Covering yourself up, being specific as to what you can and can't wear, but what I'm hearing you say is you use that and saying, no, this is not okay. This is not the direction that I want to go in my life. You stepped into your power very strongly and have faith, having the guidance of God.
Whether you view me like that or not, this is how He views me. And I'm going to step into my power and I'm going to look at what changes I can make to live a life through God.
There was a time prior to all that teaching that we were so opposite, but we complimented each other. But then when that mindset was you're not creating the image of God, then all of a sudden, the only thing I could be was basically like a clone of him. And if I wasn't, then that's where backlash and the rebellion came into play.
I want to make a little bit of a transition here. you have eight kids, and I'm a mom of six-year-old twins, and I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time juggling school and owning a business traveling and kids, and homework.
Overwhelm to Empowerment
Being a powerful woman, an entrepreneur, an author, and eight kids wasn't given to me all at once. I've always felt this way, some people just meant to have different things. And I didn't think I wanted a lot of kids in the beginning, I can see how God, made my personality and made me walk into these situations.
I've learned that I've had skills or that God has given me skills that have just helped me. Like and I'm reflecting on this now because one big thing is, I like to break things in parts. I can't go into a situation in one go.
Three Key Things to Empower Your Self In Challenging Times
Prioritization Matters: We understand how overwhelming it can be to chase multiple goals simultaneously, so we delve into the importance of grit, passion, purpose, and resiliency. Together, we explore how these qualities help us achieve long-term success while fostering a harmonious work-life equilibrium.
The Power of Delegation: In our journey to maximize the precious time we have with our families, we recognize that delegation is an invaluable tool. We've found that these practices not only help us navigate the chaos but also infuse our lives with order and tranquility.
Embracing Our True Identity: Our shared belief in finding security in being fully loved and accepted is a pillar of our journey. We recognize that understanding our true selves and rejecting societal norms is a collective effort. We navigate life's challenges with grace and authenticity.
Process of elimination
How can I do this? So whether it be the kids. if they're all coming at me, cause sometimes it's like that, I'll have one start talking to me and then I'll have, the younger one that needs something small. In my mind, I'm like, what can I eliminate now?
Even as an entrepreneur, This is all new, like a book. How do I market? How I do these? I have to fight those overwhelming things because that's what we do to ourselves.
That's what the enemy tries to do to overload us and clump everything and pile things up so that we just go, this is too much. I just pushed through that to just go, okay, what's this worse?
Prioritization
I have to put it in parts.Take care of those things that I can take care of. You hear about these women like you're in a room and you're cleaning this and then it's like, okay, I gotta get rid of that. And you go somewhere else, but sometimes it does work for me that I just got to go, what's on my plate. Let me get rid of that one. Well, this leads to this thing. In my mind, it's organizational chaos.
It takes early mornings. It takes delegating. For me, I had a nanny at first, especially in that world, the things I've learned, being in the NFL. You come into a lot of funds, I was a strength coach for a college and so I worked with hundreds of athletes every day.
One day, I moved to Green Bay and I knew no one but my spouse, and I didn't have work anymore. And it's like, oh my gosh, who am I? As I came into that, I had to learn things all over again.
Delegation
At first, as I was getting more kids, my sole identity was just that I'm a mom and that's me. So that meant that I had to have an immaculate house. I needed to make sure I cleaned and I couldn't delegate or relinquish things because I felt like, as I got more kids, I was spending hours and hours and hours cleaning the house, felt like I could pay someone to come once a week or, twice a month or whatever. But it was so hard for me because I was supposed to do that. But then as I was really thinking if I'm a mom and wife, it's okay for me to say, “Let's go get someone to clean so that I can spend time as a mom and as a wife.”
So these are the different things that I'm just learning to do. It's okay to delegate that breakdown and process of elimination and kind of divided and conquer, I guess you could say.
What I'm hearing you say is when you are a high-achieving individual who also has a family life that is thriving and growing a lot of what helps you be successful is prioritization.
I can relate to this one because a lot of times there are all these goals that I have that I want to achieve and at the same time it can feel overwhelming and so sometimes that prioritization comes in and saying okay well this is my long term goal but what steps am I going to take to achieve that goal and then also how am I going to prioritize and so that's looking at the long term that's where that grit comes in and that passion that purpose and that resiliency is.
And then also breaking down and prioritizing each day. Sometimes we are really focused on our day, our business, and our career. And then sometimes throughout the day, we are highly focused on being a parent and a mom and a dad and whatever that role is that we play in life.
And then delegation. Absolutely. I can 100 percent agree with that because sometimes when you look at your day and doesn't make sense to spend when you're working hard towards your business or your career when you're dedicating all that time and we get such limited time with our family because they're at school or we're working our business.
Evaluating and saying, do I want to spend two to three hours cleaning my house or do I want to delegate that out so that I can spend two to three hours with my family? Exactly, yeah. I just, I always had a house cleaner because I hate cleaning my house, but I also just got in on having somebody do my grocery shopping through Shipt because I want to spend that time with my kids.
Because I am a little plug. I am actually doing this devotional. It's my next project. It has to do with Proverbs 31. That is like this ideal woman who does everything and I really got to breaking it down. I'm like, wait, she has made servants. She doesn't do everything, so it kind of opened my eyes. Like, were meant to be the community. We're supposed to help each other and help solve each other's problem. I can't do everything.
Even just setting up my website or just the different things. It's like, I need someone to hold my hand. I need someone to do that, or I can just say, Hey, I don't know tech. I don't so that we're efficient with our time because time, just like money is, a commodity that, we don't want to waste. I think delegating is huge.
Your True Identity and Life’s Purpose
When your identity is tied to being in the military, an NFL athlete. If they're experiencing a period in their life where they feel lost an identity or sense of purpose, what advice would you give to them?
There's a true identity. We are treated by a Creator. He's like the manufacturer. If you're dealing with a computer. Let's say, I have a Mac, I'm not going to go to IBM or all these other things.
In my world, I'm sure deal with it too, there are the stereotypes, there's you're supposed to look like this from the outside world from the fans, from other women. You're supposed to dress like this. You're not good enough if you don't look like this from your spouse, so you have all these, you can call 'em hats, you can call them judgments. It sounds cliche, but when understand that you are fully loved, fully accepted, and fully valued, He created me for a purpose when I got really anchored in that and understanding that even though I saw myself.
I can disqualify myself and I remember you saying that I was listening to something that you were saying before, but so many times we disqualify ourselves because of the trials and the struggles that we've gone through. But those are the very things that have made us stronger, and more resilient,
To help the very people who are going through those things. I am anchored as a daughter, as a bride, and as a friend, those will not change to you. And now I can be who I'm called to be for other people, because all those other things, they just don't penetrate you. When you've gone through something crazy, like how another woman looks at you and thinks that I don't look good enough or all those things that I was worried about and preoccupied with before. That does not matter at all, in the grand scheme of things.
To see where I'm at, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm thankful. I know it's hard. It was hard. But I know I'm better for it. And I know that God's going to be faithful to get my kids through it. I know that I have a purpose in it. God's given me a gift. It's not prideful to use it and I'm going to hone it and I'm going to get better. This is what he's called me to do and to be.
We have a choice to be powerless in the trials and tribulations that we experience in life. We have a choice to either be powerless or to step into our purpose, to step into our power, to look at the trials and tribulations that we've gone through and the challenges and the difficult times and say, this is shaping me into the person that I meant to be tomorrow. This is shaping me and providing me with the tools to step into my power.
I know that when I have gone through challenges in my life, what has kept me going is my faith. And I've always been in those situations where it's really challenging. I've prayed and said, God, close the doors. To redirect me to the purpose that you have called me to be and God open the doors that you want me to walk through and having that faith over the fear of what is happening to me versus how is this shaping me into his purpose.
5 Things that Cultivate Resilience and Self-Worth in the Face of Societal Pressure
Trials and Triumphs: Our Collective Strength. Trials and struggles may have once made us feel disqualified, but we've come to realize that they've actually made us stronger and more resilient.
Anchoring Ourselves: A Shared Source of Stability. Our roles as daughters, brides, and friends are sources of stability in our lives. We understand that these roles won't change, and that's something we'll forever cherish together.
Faith: Our Unyielding Source of Strength. It's an unyielding source of strength during tough times. We pray for doors to close and open, aligning with God's divine purpose for our lives, knowing that our collective faith is a guiding light
True Identity and Purpose: Our Collective Truth. Identity and purpose can feel elusive during transitions, but here's a secret we've collectively discovered: our true identity isn't defined by others.
Rejecting Societal Expectations: Our Empowerment. We're embracing our own power and living according to how God sees us, recognizing that true fulfillment lies in unity.
