How to Create Balance in Your Life with Danielle Cobo
Welcome to another episode of “Dream Job with Danielle Cobo”!
As mothers, wives, employees, friends, we can often find ourselves trying to balance a million different things at once. Burnout can sometimes be inevitable in these situations. In today's episode, I am giving you my best tips for setting boundaries and creating a life that has more balance in it. Tune into today's episode to learn more.
"Putting your own oxygen mask on first is so key to showing up as the best version of you" - Danielle Cobo
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Highlights
💫 3:45 Have you set proper boundaries for yourself and your family?
💫 6:26 Learn to say yes, while also saying no
💫 9:55 A tip for if you need more time to commit to something
💫 12:15 Some advice for dealing with negative people
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The Importance of Creating Balance in Your Life
I really struggled with balance. This was something that I really struggled with for a really long time. And it was to the point where prior to having kids, the balance that I lacked in my life really affected me physically and emotionally. I was breaking out in hives every third quarter, I was in a sales position. And I would literally break out in hives all over my chest. And I would also notice I was tired all the time; I was fatigued, I was uncomfortable in the way that I felt when it came to my body and weight because I didn't feel like I was my optimal self. And I lacked energy. And I was getting stomach aches all the time, I was constantly getting anxious. And it was because I wasn't creating balance in my life.
And it is so important that you take care of yourself first so that you can take care of others. And I clearly wasn't doing that. And I remember prior to having kids, I always thought in my head like there's no way I can have kids, I looked at other women who had kids in a career and I said, how are they doing it, I could not conceptually understand how they were doing it. And it's not because there wasn't a possibility of doing it. It was because I didn't understand how to create balance in my life. So when I did step into motherhood and begin becoming a mother, I was really on a mission to create balance in my life. And I did a lot of research on it, a lot of research on how to create balance in my life. And I can share with you that I actually have more balance in my life now.
As you know, I run my own business as I'm an entrepreneur. I'm coaching and leading, and I'm doing a podcast and speaking engagements. And being a wife and a mother to two very, very active boys, I have more balance in my life now than I ever did before. It is absolutely possible. And what I'm here to support you with today is to share just a couple of tips so that you can have balance in your life as well.
Some Tips on Setting Boundaries and Achieving Balance
Set boundaries.
Set boundaries for yourself and set boundaries for your family. To set boundaries, a couple of things that I would suggest are to unplug and be present. Unless you're in a position where you are on a call like there is an emergency and you are called to the hospital to take care of somebody, you can unplug, it's important to unplug. And ways that you can unplug is if you have a work phone and you have a personal phone.
One of the things that you could do is once work is done even if you have a home office, put your work phone in your home office and shut your office door you are now done for the day. And especially since more of us are working from home post-pandemic, a lot of times it's actually really hard sometimes for people to create that separation between work and home life because their office is right around the corner and they get tempted to go in or tend to work late hours and you really need to disconnect.
And so if you have a work phone, just leave your work phone in your office. Now if you don't have a work phone that's separate from your personal phone and you just have a personal phone, which is where I'm at now so I can relate to this one. one other suggestion I would make to support you is to put Do Not Disturb on your phone. And why I suggest doing that is, during certain hours, like 6 pm and 8 am, I have Do Not Disturb on my phone. So my phone doesn't ring, it doesn't bother, and it doesn't have text notifications, with the exception of the Favorites list that I've created on my phone. So my favorites list is family members, and friends so that if there was an emergency, they can always come through, and their phone number will always ring.
So by creating this Do Not Disturb I'm setting boundaries in my life. Because what I'm saying is the most important people in my life are either sitting right across the table from me, who I'm talking to, or the most important people in my life are the people that are on my favorites list. And so that's one suggestion that you could do to create boundaries in your life so that you can have balance in your life.
Learn to say yes, while saying no.
This is something that I struggled with for a long time. So when I was in corporate America, I really struggled with, well, if somebody approached me with a special project, and I said no, then are they going to approach me in the future with other projects? Are they just going to assume that I'm going to say no? And what I was concerned is, I was discouraged to say no, I was scared that if I said no, that I would lose out on future opportunities.
So what I used to do was, I used to take on everything, I would say yes to everything. And what would happen is I work all day, and then I would work all night, and I had no balance in my life. There are ways that you can say yes while setting boundaries in your life. And here are a couple of ways. So if somebody provides you with an opportunity to have a special project, one of the ways that you can respond is to thank the person for the opportunity to contribute to this project. “Okay, I'm currently working on something that's time sensitive. So is there a specific time that you need it by? And can I start the project next week?” Now, if the project needs to be done within a certain time, you know, and it's not within the same time that you have to do this time-sensitive project, then you can say, “You know what, I do have this as a priority right now. So if it needs to be done sooner, then maybe I could suggest this person and delegate it off to somebody else?” Or if it is not time-sensitive, “You know what, I'm going to wrap up this particular product by this time, and I can go ahead and start that agile project. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to contribute.”
Another suggestion is when somebody invites you to something and you look at your calendar and one of the things you can say is if they invite you to something you can say hey, you know, thank you so much for inviting me. Can I check my calendar and get back to you tomorrow or get back to you later today? It gives you an opportunity to say yes, while also checking your calendar. Now if you have a commitment that day, then you can say thank you so much for inviting me. I actually have a commitment that day. So, next time you do something, you know, next time you have something similar, I would love to be invited again, and I'll make sure that I can carve out the time for it. Also, if somebody reaches out to you, and they want to discuss something that, you know, it can take a little bit more time than what you may have in your calendar for, then I was in I would say, typically, anytime it's more than like a 10-minute conversation, I encourage and I invite people to actually schedule time on my calendar. Because it's important that when I have time with somebody, I am dedicated 100% there to them. And if I have distractions, or I'm worried about the next call that I jump on, I'm doing that person a disservice. And so one of the things I suggest is if someone reaches out and they say, Hey, I need a talk, can I talk to you about something and say, Yes, is it something that we can, that I can support you in a 10-minute conversation, or if it takes longer, I'd really like to set up a time for us to discuss further so that you can have my undivided full attention.
And I can say this, I actually do this with my husband too. My husband always jokes, it's like, I feel like I have to schedule time with my wife. And it's, it's not that he needs to schedule time with me. It's just that I want to make sure I'm 100% Present. I don't want distractions during my time with him. He's important to me. And so I say, hey, you know what, babe? I love you. And right now I'm jumping on another call. So can we talk about this tonight so that I don't have any distractions? Because I love you and you're important to me, and I want to be 100% present for this conversation. So you can say yes, and set boundaries. And those are some of the ways that you can do it.
Limit the people that bring negativity into your life.
So oftentimes, you know those people, you know, those people that just have a negative mindset, and they'll call you and they'll want to vent, and they will consume the conversation, they will consume your time. And not only is it taking time from your day, your priorities, and the things that you need to do; if somebody is negative, they also project that negativity onto you. And it's incredible how easy it is for one person to shift with a negative mindset to make an impact and shift the mind of so many other people. And so my recommendation is if there are people that are negative, and they're constantly negative, first really look at yourself and say is it somebody you want in your life?
I like to surround myself with people that have big dreams and big goals. And the way that we support each other and the way that we connect with each other is that we hold each other accountable, we share our dreams, we think bigger, and we're always working towards that next step in life, in our career, as a parent, as a spouse, we're all going that same direction. I really actually try to limit the people that are negative in my life. I don't want to be pulled down. I don't want to be brought down. I don't like negativity in my life. I'm the type of person that when somebody drives really fast down the road and they cut me off – and my husband always laughs about this, he says, and I'll be the first to say, “Well, maybe they have a sick kid in their car and they need to go to the hospital.” You know, why spend the time? It takes more time to be in the Negative Zone than it does to be in the Positive Zone. Why put my mind in that direction? So really look at yourself and say, does this person bring me joy? Do we support each other and bring each other joy?
Now, of course, you're gonna have those times where you need to vent. There are times when I call some of my closest friends and I'm like, I am just down. I am just second-guessing myself. I have anxiety, this is going on. And I'll ask them, can you just listen and support me by just lifting my spirits up a little bit because I could really use that support right now? There's gonna be times that happen. And that's what your friends and family members are there for. If you have someone that's only reaching out to you to vent, to be negative, and to pull you into their drama, is it a relationship that you want to maintain? Is the relationship that you want to continue because they can consume your time and release the boundaries on that? You know, maybe you're saying something like, Hey, you know what, I'd love to chat and I'm walking into something right now. Do you have time on this day? Or do you have time later today where you can dedicate some more time to supporting them?
So those are just a few ways that you can set boundaries and create balance in your life. It is so important that and you've probably heard me say this on other episodes, put the oxygen mask on you first to show up as the best parent, spouse, friend, coworker, peer, you know, whatever it is, you have to take care of yourself first. You have to fuel your body, not only mentally and emotionally. And when you create balance in your life, you'll have more energy, you'll be more present in life. And these are the ways that you can create balance in your life. And so I invite you to take some of these suggestions and implement them into your life!
