Mastering Difficult Conversations at Work with Darlene Hawley
Join us as we unlock the secrets to address difficult conversations. Discover practical tips for effective communication, conflict resolution, and mentorship. Learn how to approach sensitive discussions with empathy, maintain authenticity throughout, and foster understanding even amidst disagreement. Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, this episode equips you with invaluable skills to navigate tough conversations and create meaningful connections.
After this Episode, You Will Be Able to:
Develop confidence in navigating difficult conversations
Approach sensitive conversations
Develop deeper relationships with authenticity
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About the guest:
Darlene supports leaders inside organizations to strengthen their inner and outer voices so that they can speak up for themselves and the ideas and issues that matter most and move people to take action whenever they speak.
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Easy and Fun Way
I've been an entrepreneur doing business, coaching one-on-one with what I call service-based entrepreneurs who are looking to start their businesses and get a strong foundation, so they can build consistent income in their businesses.
I also work with corporations where I go in and teach communication training, working mostly on the internal conversations they're having with inside their teams as well as helping them with external pieces, whether it's getting ready for big presentations or if they are doing sales conversations.
So they want to be able to have a higher close rate within the organization. I come in and lead them through fun role plays in a fun, easy way.
I love to start it with easy, fun, and simple ways that get us up on our feet and get us embodied in the communication, and then slowly build it from there so they're able to have those harder conversations and get more traction in their business or be able to have that conversation with their employee or their team member who maybe there's bumping heads a little bit and things feel a little bit rough in the communication department, but how do we be more playful, say things in a succinct way that really can call people to take action.
And it doesn't feel like we're nagging or being too hard on each other, but find that way where it's a fun conversation and we can both learn from each other versus the spouse who's like upset because the dirty socks are on the ground for like the 13th hundredth time.
How do we have those conversations without it being a conflict?
Coming from 20 years of medical sales experience, I can immediately feel that roleplaying is like that dreaded word, and I distinctly remember my team would roll their eyes and we would be doing roleplaying, but I truly believe there's a lot of value in it because when you can have those, especially in a sales environment when you're able to role play and practice and do it internally, it just provides you better.
It provides you with the skillsets to go and have that communication out with your customers, be concise and clear, and kind of have already talked through maybe some of the questions that they're going to ask.
I remember when I worked in retail management prior to starting my business, role play felt icky because you were usually just thrown into it.
You were supposed to have this perfect pitch for what you're going to say when you get off the sales floor. And it was just always awkward like there was no preparation for it.
And that's one of the things that I really pride myself on in my business: helping people get started in fun, playful, easy ways so that we can step into it with like, "different." It's more improved, it's more fun, light, and easy.
And then once we get it embodied, we can step into those harder conversations.
I would practice conversations or maybe make some bullet points for what I would want to say, and then I would think about it and have the conversation internally. But then, when I went to speak it out loud, it never came out the way that I wanted it to. I wasn't making the impact that I needed to in that moment.
It felt awkward. Maybe it was my tone of voice or the way I said it. Didn't come off right. And now I know that if I take a step back and think to myself, "Okay, I need to have a conversation with this person," We need to talk about this situation.
How do I want to handle it? What am I going to say? And so we come into a conversation where we're both prepped and prepared and we've had a chance to, you know, walk into, as I like to call it, "walking and talking. I walk around my living room or my kitchen sometimes just practicing, whether it's a speech or a conversation I need to have.
And I've done some role-playing with it. It feels more comfortable. And so when I go to say, have the conversation, it doesn't feel like it's the first I've ever said it and I'm even taken back by the words that I've said.
What do you feel like some of the biggest challenges that people have in the workplace when it comes to communication?
There are a lot of different things that I hear on a daily basis, but one of the biggest pieces that come up is that inner voice, the inner dialogue that we have internally within ourselves, whether it's imposter syndrome or the confidence piece of how we're showing up and how we're letting people see us as that authentic piece.
Like, are we showing up and being authentic, or are we having too many, what I call, stories in our heads? I don't know about you, but sometimes I start to play stories in my head before I've even had a conversation with somebody, or I've dug a little bit deeper into what's coming up for myself in those moments.
And so I think oftentimes inside organizations, we are too afraid to go have those conversations because we're afraid somebody's going to jump down our throat, we're going to get fired, we're going to push people away, and we're going to have people get upset. And we don't like conflict.
Most of us don't enjoy conflict.
I'm a hundred percent in that category. I'm the last person that wants to have conflict. I'm a people pleaser by nature.
But I've learned over the years that if I slow things down and I give myself a chance to take a deep breath, breathe, relax my body, and maybe sometimes moving my body, doing some jumping jacks, moving that energy, I can go into the conversation and not feel the stress that's coming from it.
And we can have a clear dialogue.
And I think oftentimes, in organizations, we just don't trust our own voices. We don't trust that we're going to be able to have that conversation in a safe way where there's security in it without upsetting other people.
And so when we create that safe space as leaders, or even if we're just a part of a team and we're watching out for our coworkers and our colleagues, and we're giving that opportunity for us all to speak up, we can be ourselves.
We take away some of the stress of getting it right. We don't have to get it right every single time.
Like we're all a work in progress.
Sometimes we're going to mess up, and sometimes we're going to put our foot in our mouth. It's how we respond from there. That is like the biggest piece that, as you know, we need. We need to create safe places so we can grow and learn together.
And if we do it wrong the first time, we work with each other and we find the right solution and we find solutions not as many problems.
So I think it serves us really well when we can get better at communicating and even just saying, I want to get together with you, and here's what I'd like to talk about. I just want to get together, have some fun, and catch up.
For whatever reason we go to that place of scarcity, our mindset just goes there.
Whether we have a team of one or a team of a hundred, we have to have those harder, more candid conversations so we can help them improve and give them some clarity so they can have the confidence to really step up and see where they're a little bit deficient or where they need a little bit more training.
And if there's somebody on your team that may not be meeting the expectations of the roles and the responsibilities, instead of pointing the finger and saying, "Well, you are not doing it, it's also looking, the minute you point your finger at somebody else, there are three fingers pointed back at you”
So if somebody's not meeting expectations, there's also an opportunity to look in the mirror and say, Well, did I set this person up for success? What can I do to help this person get to where they need to be to succeed? Because it is not all that individual. It is a partnership when it comes to the leader and the team members.
Power Of Your Voice And Making An Impact
Keep showing up as yourself.
I think the biggest thing that I see in leaders is that we worry too much about what other people think about us. And we're trying to say, "We're wearing this mask all day, and it feels exhausting. And by the time we get home from our day and we're with the people we love the most in our family, oftentimes we take it out on them.
As leaders, if we can start showing up more as ourselves at work, really have fun with it and be more playful and joyful.
It's going to stream into every single area of our lives. And it's going to make our home life easier. It's going to make our team more excited to be together and find ways to have fun.
Play more like I was at a company recently and we were talking about work and home balance, and I don't really believe in finding that balance. I remember when I left retail management before I started my business, I envisioned this perfect teeter-totter where I was going to work, where life was going to be amazing and perfect, and everything was going to be working great, and then everything at home was going to be perfect and great.
Things happened in the past and how we make those changes, and we start showing up the way that we really want - to just be you.
Have fun with it and use your voice.
Speak up, stand out, make an impact, and do things that you love every single day.
